So, yesterday I had to go to my lady doctor (sorry dudes, but I promise to not go into any awful details!), which is just an all-around unwanted experience for every woman. I have literally never met a woman who has said “I love going to my hoo-ha doctor. It’s the best!” unless said woman was using extreme sarcasm, because let’s be honest here: It’s the fracking worst.
I have a lot of issues with my lady doctor. She’s kind of mean and she pushes drugs on me that I don’t want to take. Not to mention she invades my personal space, but I’m not here to talk about that. I’m here to talk about this:
So, this was hanging in my exam room. It was literally the only decorative thing in there, so I couldn’t stop looking at it while I sat there for 15 minutes alone, in nothing but a very unflattering mint-green robe.
I couldn’t help but wonder “What the hell kind of emotion is this supposed to evoke from me in this situation?”
I mean, really… Is it supposed to make me feel maternal? Is that child supposed to awaken some nurturing quality within me so that I can feel more feminine while I wait for my hooch to be examined in the least flattering way possible?
Because here’s how I felt: “Good grief, I hope that small cross-dressing boy doesn’t kill me while I’m in here alone… What the frack is he doing to that dove? OH MY GOSH, PLEASE DON’T EAT THAT DOVE.”
And then my doctor knocked on the door and I had to act like I was totally fine for the next 20 minutes, even though I was horrified from literally all angles, both physically and mentally.
Not only that, but both my doctor and her technician were pushing this internet thing on me…
Technician: Are you on the internet?
Me: Not at this moment, no…
Technician: No, I mean, like, do you use the internet?
Me: Well… yeah… I’m not 80…
Technician: …Fair point. Anyway, we started using this program called <insert fake name here>, and it’s really great because you can send us messages and stuff and we can even just post all of your exam results on there with your charts and everything so that you can see exactly what your body is doing from a medical standpoint. I really like it! There’s an app and everything!
Me: So… It’s like facebook for my vagina?
Technician: Huh… I guess it is!
In other news… I’ve been getting a lot more work and hours at the bookshop lately, which is wonderful, but unfortunately means that my life is exhaustingly more busy… Because of this, I’ve decided to cut down on the blogging… DON’T. FREAK. OUT. You’ll still have me around, duckies, just not six days a week. I’ve decided to blog on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays from now on. I will still be doing the Book Reviews on the 1st of every month (today is your last chance to make suggestions for May!!), though, so that will be the only occasional exception. I think we can all agree that this is still a fair schedule, no?
Alright, that’s all for now! See you tomorrow for the Book Review!! Have a wonderful Tuesday, Duckies!!