A conversation I had last night with a friend we’ll call “Sara”, who lives in San Francisco:
Me: I’m lonely and hungry. This is terrible.
Sara: Oh nooooo. That’s the worst. Go out to a bar!
Me: …it’s 11:30 on a Wednesday in Stars Hollow.
Sara: Well… not tonight then. Unless you want to get murdered.
Me: Not the ideal alternative… or the plausible one. Again: Stars Hollow.
Me: Peanut butter!
Sara: No Nutella?
Me: I don’t do that shit. It scares me and I don’t like the voices I hear in my head when I see it.
Me: To be honest, I’ve never actually had it, but I feel like it’s the Pumpkin Spiced Latte of spreads.
Sara: LMAO – yes.
Me: I’d need UGG boots and a sorority sweatshirt when I eat it and I own none of those things.