Why Bunnies Are Assholes – A Sequel

So, I’ve been giving this whole “Bunnies are Assholes” thing a lot of thought ever since my post about how forest creatures are freeloading off of me and stealing all my food.

I began to analyze all the famous bunnies, and I’ve come to a simple decision: All bunnies are assholes.

  • Peter Rabbit/Cottontail: This rabbit never listened to his mother. I mean, every kid goes through a trouble-making phase, but Peter is something else. Not to mention, he’s a garden thief! Asshole.
  • Little Bunny Foo-Foo: Okay, what the heck is up with people and this guy? He runs around picking up field mice and bopping them on the head! He’s a murderer! Why do we teach children this song? I deem this famous bunny: Asshole.
  • Rabbit from Winnie-the-Pooh: Total asshole. Rabbit is always pissed off and being a control freak! The one thing he does have going for him in my book is that he grows his own damn garden. Still… Asshole.
  • The Trix Rabbit: Gah! What an f-ing jerk! He’s running around stealing cereal from children!! That’s a whole new level of food thievery! Asshole!
  • Br’er Rabbit: He spends all of his time tricking people and being a general jerk. Asshole.
  • Frank from Donnie Darko:
Enough. Fracking. Said.

Enough. Fraking. Said.

  • The Energizer Bunny: Just stop moving! You asshole.

All I’m saying is that there is a serious trend here, you guys. A serious trend.

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28 Responses to Why Bunnies Are Assholes – A Sequel

  1. I think you are on to something here.

  2. CC says:

    I used to have recurring nightmares about being eaten alive by rabbits. This could be due to the fact that my family would watch “Night of the Lepus” whenever it came on TV. You want bunny nightmares…watch that. Why I then decided to have a pet rabbit, I’m not quite sure. That rabbit was an asshole, too. My preferred name for it was “Spawn of Satan”. The thing would literally jump off me when I was holding it and purposefully piss in my face while doing it. If that’s not an asshole, I don’t know what is. And I normally LIKE animals.

  3. Loretta says:

    I happen to be a very BIG fan of Buggs Bunny. He was brilliant!

  4. ttoombs08 says:

    LMAO! I worked for the pink bunny for two years. Seeing him on the list totally cracked me up! You forgot the biggest douche bag of bunnies! Easter Bunny. He steals innocent eggs from mommy hens, then sells them to the sex trade for his own personal gain. And where does he get all that chocolate? Is it blood chocolate from a conflict nation like diamonds? I think we need a Senate investigation into this bunny scandal.

  5. Nikki says:

    Oh my god, it’s so true! How did I never notice this before?? Assholes.

  6. Melissa says:

    This is hilarious! Couldn’t agree more with your list. I’d add Bugs Bunny. I mean, the way he tormented Elmer Fudd?! Lol

  7. libs012 says:

    Energizer bunny? Roger Rabbit? The White Rabbit? Bugs?!!? CAN THEY ALL BE BAD? I have a bunny crush on Bugs. but I definitely see your point with all of the above ones…Damn Trix Bunny.

  8. Those are all very good points. I will never look at bunnies the same again. Now when I see them and their twitching noses and big eyes I will envision them thinking evil thoughts. haha

  9. I am crying from laughing so hard. I agree they are assholes!

  10. I don’t know what happened to my comment! But I am laughing so hard I am in tears. That is just awesome! I have to agree, they are assholes.

  11. filbio says:

    You could just eat them! Problem solved!

  12. Roxie says:

    Nice bunnies finish last.

  13. Roxie says:

    Also, girl bunnies dig jerks.

  14. Iceprincezz says:

    OMG I think you are so right!!! assholes, all of them. I think maybe you should investigate bears next. Let’s start with Winnie The Pooh?

  15. Jean says:

    When you write things like this, I understand why we get along so well. Little Bunny Foo-Foo WAS a murdering asshole. “Bopping” sounds a lot like “whacking,” and we all know what that means.

    Another stellar post, Emelie 🙂 Lars is my next one, wish we luck.

  16. sergio626 says:

    Your older sister is Peter Rabbit’s mom, so you’d better watch what you say about him.

  17. This is so true! Look at the tortoise and the hare–that hare was a total asshole. My neighborhood is full of procreating rabbits, and it already scared me, but now I’m even more scared.

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