It’s true, and I think that Dragon has known this fact for some time, but I’m really starting to come around to the truth of it in its entirety.
There were a few signs that have always been there:
1) I love to crochet and knit.
2) As soon as it starts to snow, I buy a jigsaw puzzle that I can sit inside and work on throughout the winter. (I’ve had my eye on one at the store for months!!)
3) I have major hip and back issues.
4) I love antiquing and things that are really old. Dragon once asked me “Why do you like all the things that make life more difficult?” to which I responded “I believe in a simpler time.” and Dragon just looked at me and said “That makes no sense. It can’t be simpler if it makes life more difficult.” This is an on-going battle for the two of us. Example: I refuse to buy a Keurig. First of all, my friend Lemon, accurately pointed out that they look like Cylons from Battlestar Galactica, and second of all, I love my french press. It tastes better, and there’s a certain ritual to getting up and brewing your coffee in the morning that I really appreciate. Another example of this fact is that for my TWENTY-SECOND birthday, Dragon surprised me and took me to Amish Country to go wine tasting and then we went to the Werther’s Woodcarving Museum – and I was ecstatic. Literally could not stop smiling. Maybe a lot of that was due to the wine (Amish people make awesome wine!), but don’t most people just go to the bar on their 22nd birthday? This fourth point has gone on way too long.
Anyway, so these were the four main character traits that made me seem a little old, but the fifth and most recent one that came about really drove things over the edge.
I don’t have a television, but I do have Netflix, and I love it. I absolutely adore it. (Does that make me seem a little younger?) I can watch all of my favorite shows without having to deal with commercials or accidentally finding myself watching crap like Honey Boo Boo all day long. (That young child needs a serious education at an etiquette school!) Instead, I find myself watching really old episodes of Saturday Night Live (I just started watching them from the very beginning, because I thought it would be fun to see how the show and cast progresses. No? Is that just me?) and my most recent and favorite Netflix discovery: THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW.
Now, I have my modern day celebrity crushes, don’t worry, but I am seriously like, in love with Dick Van Dyke. Not only do I find him attractive, but he’s absolutely hilarious, which brings him right to the top of my list. (Sorry, Dragon, it’s a really close race. Like, we’d need a photograph to prove who crossed the finish line first) Just look at him! He’s adorable! And if I ever become a housewife someday, I am totally taking lessons from both my mother and Mary Tyler Moore. I mean. Mary Tyler Moore is just fantastic (as are you, Mom!) and she’s cute as a button in this show, too! Now, granted, I would change a few things, like the fact that they sleep in separate beds (where’s the fun in that?), but other than that, I’m totally content with the whole “hilarious husband, beautiful and charming housewife, and adorable, albeit slightly dim, child” lifestyle – and the Petries most certainly did not have a Keurig!
So the other day, Dragon came into my house to pick me up to go out and found me sitting in my bed, the dog sleeping at my feet, and the laptop in front of me playing The Dick Van Dyke Show while I crocheted.
Dragon: Oh my gosh. I hate all of this.
Me: still staring at the screen You hate all of what, dear?
Dragon: This! This entire image! And don’t call me “dear”!!
Me: Why not, darling?
Dragon: Stop it!
So yes, I am absolutely convinced that I might just be a little old lady trapped in a foxy – okay, gangly and awkward – twenty-something-year-old’s body. I guess I shouldn’t complain.
And I still maintain that the whole Netflix thing proves that I am somewhat youthful, right? Like I’m good with technology and that’s rare among elderly people? Is that agist?
Here, have a butterscotch.