Okay, so the strangest thing just happened to me and I need to share it with all of you.
My dog peed himself today.
Let me explain… Every Monday Gio and I meet my friend “Jane” and her dog/direwolf Eli at the dog park near my apartment. This dog park is nothing short of awesome; it used to be a beach for humans with a swimming pond in it, but then the water was deemed “too dirty for humans to swim in” so they built a huge fence around the beach, making it clean enough for dogs to swim in. I’m not quite sure how clean this water is now that dogs have taken over, but I’ve decided its best not to ask “is this still even safe for my dog?” until something seriously goes wrong. Not to mention, I saw some bubbles rising towards the middle, so that means that they have one of those “keeps the water clean by circulation” things, right?
So anyway, Gio and Eli were playing chase and other dog games in the water, biting at all the splashes they were making and such. Jane, John Hamm (who had come to join us), and I just stood back and watched, laughing at our ridiculous K-9’s. It was great! After about an hour or so, we all packed up, hosed down our pups, and headed out. John Hamm and I decided to get lunch and bring it back to my place.
Let me say here that I live about a five minute drive from the dog park and that Gio had plenty of time to pee before getting in the car. I even walked him around outside of the park to let him do so before loading him up into my Jeep! I suddenly knew what it was like to be a parent who has to ask her children “Do you need to go potty before we go? … Are you sure? … Why don’t you go anyway, just to be safe.”
But no. He apparently was just fine.
Anyway… John Hamm and I picked up some Panera and brought it home, where I let Gio run around the yard for a bit. He went to the bathroom and I thought everything was fine, obviously. So John Hamm and I ate lunch while Gio laid himself down against the wall by the table and started to fall asleep. The poor guy was all tuckered out from his big morning of play time! It was actually kind of cute.
Once we had finished our food, we just sat at the table, drinking our coffee and chatting. Gio was still snoozing away. At a pause in our conversation, we heard this faint trickle… John Hamm looked over at Gio and exclaimed in a voice which can only be described as the excited yell of a four-year-old girl, “HE’S PEEING!!!!”
Yes. My dog wet the bed. Thankfully, “the bed” in this case was the hardwood floor and not my actual bed, but nevertheless…my dog wet the bed. I ran over to him, and saw that he was laying there, eyes open, and just leaking urine. It was as if Gio had lost all care in the world. I’m guessing that he dreamed he was an old man in a nursing home with a catheter (which I just wikipediad to double check that I was spelling that correctly and you’d be amazed at all of the uses for a catheter!). That’s the only explanation, right?? I’m not even sure if he knows what an old man, a nursing home, or a catheter is, but still. He must have been having some sort of crazy “I don’t need to move to pee” dream.
Either way, it gets even weirder: In case you missed it, I mentioned earlier, that HIS EYES WERE OPEN. He was just gazing up at me from the floor while he continued to pee. He didn’t even seem to register that this was wrong until I finally snapped to and said “What are you doing?!?” Then Gio scrambled to his feet and I ushered him outside where it cannot be exaggerated that my dog peed a crystal clear stream of fluid for three and a half minutes. I stood there with him the entire time, him peeing and just staring up at me, this time with a look of absolute shame. John Hamm laughing in the doorway, repeating that she “couldn’t believe that just freaking happened” whenever she could catch her breath.
When Gio was finally finished, I brought him back inside where I meant to yell at him for peeing all over my kitchen floor, but when we walked back in, he looked over at his mess and back at me. His ears were flat and his normally curled tail was draped down between his legs. He side-stepped his way around the kitchen, head down, and just stared with such embarrassment and sadness that I knew in my heart that this dog had endured enough punishment by shame already. I mean, the poor guy had just peed himself… and John Hamm was never going to let it go.
I don’t know what the heck that dog drank from that pond. Not that I’m starting to question it’s safety or anything.