The other day I was sitting around reading the paper and drinking my coffee (like a real live adult!!) when I got bored and decided to text my best friend, John Hamm (not her real name (also not the actor), because privacy and whatever).
Me: The obituaries are boring today.
JH: I’m sorry no one interesting has died.
Me: Actually, this one guy was a cartoonist for disney and served in the Canadian Navy… So maybe I spoke too soon…
Me: And it’s not that the people weren’t interesting, it’s their obituaries that aren’t interesting.
Me: When I die, please write an awesome obituary for me.
JH: Why do you assume you’re going to die before me?
Me: Let’s be real.
JH: I smoke and I am in a high stress field. I am going first.
JH: My blood veins are going to look like linguini from stress shredding them.
Me: Yeah, but I’ve sustained three injuries this morning alone.
JH: Oh god, what did you do?
Me: I sliced my hand on the cheese grater while doing dishes.
Me: I tripped over the phone cord and smacked my knee.
Me: And I almost slipped outside and could have cracked my head open.
JH: Living alone is such a good choice for you.