Tag Archives: awkward

“Hey! You’re Great! I love you! …Too much?” or “A Midwesterner in New England’s Court.”

I get teased a lot for being such a friendly Midwesterner. I never really noticed it until I moved to New England where everyone is very into their privacy and conversations are minimal with strangers. Thankfully, I work in retail, … Continue reading

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Thanks a lot, weird genetics.

I’m twenty-five, but if you were to just look at the state of my  hips and back, you’d think I was decades older. I have a lot of strange issues with my skeleton, most of which are caused by the … Continue reading

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That’s it. NO MORE PANTS.

It’s official: The entire Pants population is against me. Allow me to explain. A few weeks ago, I discovered that my favorite pair of jeans had a hole near another hole, thus making them slightly inappropriate to wear in public. This happened … Continue reading

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Complainers Gonna Complain — Just Not to the Right People.

I’m terrible at complaining. Actually, that is a total lie. I’m amazing at complaining. I’m just terrible at complaining to the people who can actually solve the problem. For example, a friend of mine texted me today with a picture … Continue reading

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No one knows what’s going on up there at night, you guys. Not even me.

So I’ve been having really bizarre dreams again lately, which is always a strange combination of exciting and terrifying because when the weird dreams happen, it usually causes me and those around me to wonder what the frak is actually wrong … Continue reading

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I’d be great at fighting crime. If my face was crime.

So Monday was a weird day. I had gone to bed on Sunday night with a little bit of a migraine, not the worst of its kind, but still not awesome. It was one of those migraines that is dull … Continue reading

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My friends think quite highly of me. Obviously.

A conversation I just had with a friend who we will call “Turtles McGee”: Me: Is it weird if I go see Rosewater by myself? Turtles McGee: I think that’d be pretty cool. Me: Except my theater isn’t playing it. … Continue reading

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Because when I get murdered, it will be adorable.

So I went out to Providence, RI yesterday for a conference and on the 2.5 hour drive back something weird happened. So, I obviously texted people about it as soon as I got home. One of those people was a … Continue reading

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Giant Wild Ninja Turkeys, Everyone. Giant. Wild. Ninja Turkeys.

Okay, so disclaimer: I do not have the reflexes of a lightning fast cheetah, so I did not capture this moment on camera. You’re just going to have to trust me that it actually happened. I live on the second … Continue reading

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No. Please tell me this isn’t happening already.

A conversation I had with a customer yesterday: Her: Emelie, are you married? Me: No. Her: Do you have anyone? Me: …no. Her: Oh… why? Me: Why am I not married? Um… that’s a complica– Her: –You’re just so tall and … Continue reading

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