Saying Goodbye to Suburbia

So, as many of you know, I am moving to Stars Hollow, CT tomorrow.

TOMORROW. 

I’M FREAKING THE FRACK OUT, DUCKIES. 

And I’m totally ready.

These past few days have been full of roller coaster-like emotions about the fact that I’m leaving Suburbia. As ready as I am to move away, this town is where I grew up. It’s where I made my first friends, where I had my first kiss, where I broke my leg, where I got my first job… almost all of my firsts happened within these five square miles.

Last night I had drinks with some of the women I worked with at the bookshop for the past five and a half years. Those women, outside of my actual family, practically raised me. They’ve known me since I was a teenager and they’ve seen me change and blossom into the bizarre lady that I am today. In fact… they had a lot to do with me becoming that bizarre lady. I don’t know why I keep referring to myself as a “lady.” I’m certainly not a woman. Oh gosh… I’m so close to unintentionally quoting Brittany Spears lyrics right now. I need to get off this ramble train.

My point is that I’m going to miss those women so much it hurts. Without them, I wouldn’t be brave or crazy enough to do what I’m doing. Hell, I’d probably be working some corporate job right now if it wasn’t for those ladies… Can you imagine me in an office?

…I know. I’m scared, too…

I’m going to miss just about everything about this town, but I am more than excited to head out and start this tiny adventure of mine. Suburbia has been an amazing place to grow up.

And… to pay tribute to the town, I leave you with one last snip-it from the Suburbia police blotter. Get ready for some drama, duckies:

LOST PLATE RETURNED TO OWNER

A license plate which had fallen off a vehicle was found on October 7th in a parking lot.

The plate was turned in by another driver. Police located the owner of the plate. The plate was… RETURNED. 

DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNNNN.

SCREAMS IN THE NIGHT ILLICIT A FRIGHT 

(I’m serious, duckies… they went with a rhyme for this one.)

A Suburbia resident told police on October 8th around 11:30 p.m. that it sounded like “someone or something” was screaming across the street from their home. 

Nothing was found.

Yes, folks, in a dramatic turn of events, the Suburbia police found nothing. I’m assuming this means ghosts were roaming the premises. Okay, on second thought, this one is kind of creepy, but only if there was SOMETHING found… Like a scarf… of a girl who died 30 years ago… Or a child’s shoe… the left one… from a girl who died 30 years ago… Okay, now I’m gonna give myself nightmares. Dead little girls scare me.

FRESHLY PLANTED TREE PILFERED

Police were called October 9th just before 3 p.m. by the president of a Suburbia homeowners association who reported that someone had stolen a newly planted tree. The tree was valued at $300. 

Okay… So I have a lot of questions about this one. Am I supposed to be on the lookout for the missing tree? If so, I need more information. What kind of tree was it? How tall? They didn’t even provide a picture!! Also, does this mean that when I see guys with shovels in the middle of the night, I should no longer assume that they are burying dead bodies, but instead just playing Arbor Day-related jokes? And if THAT’S the case, can we please remind them that it’s October??? It’s not even proper tree-planting season! Maybe THAT’S why they stole the tree, Mr. Homeowner’s Association President. Maybe they’re just tree vigilantes who are trying to tell you NOT TO PLANT TREES IN FREAKING OCTOBER. GOSH.

We should thank these men or women. They’re saving a tree’s life.

Ah… I really am going to miss this town.

 

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5 Responses to Saying Goodbye to Suburbia

  1. saiyge says:

    I got really excited that CT had a town named Stars Hollow in it – because I am imported from New York where I grew up in a quirky artist town and I live in Yuck, CT. I thought to myself – Self…. a town called Stars Hollow has to make CT cooler.
    And then I googled it, and now I am sad.
    I hope that your move goes smoothly and that it winds up being one of the best things you could have ever done for yourself. Moving is scary, especially when you are moving from your hometown.

  2. Jean says:

    I am in love with the police blotter.

    Returned (no evidence of stolen) license plate?

    Screams in the night?

    Stolen trees?

    That’s just innocent and cute.

    I would like to introduce them to Chicago, but I feel like their innocence would be lost. Whoever writes the police blotter must know of the silliness. They should write a book about taking down the details for each week’s edition. Imagine the startled souls who call 911 to report these issues. Bless their hearts.

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