On to the current thing.

I’ve been struggling with patience lately. Not on the small scale. It’s not like I get jittery when waiting in line or anything, but on the large scale, I’m going nuts.

I have a list of life goals and they are BIG goals:

I want to own a house. 

I want to be a published writer. 

I want to run my own business.

I want to be married.

I want to have five dogs, and a vegetable garden, and some chickens and goats. 

Okay, so that last one isn’t necessarily a major life goal, but it’s a thing that I want and that I can’t have unless I accomplish more of the big goals in my life, so I put it on the list.

And I’m frustrated with myself because I have a really good life right now. I am working full time in a bookshop, which has been my dream job since I was ten years old.

I have  a boyfriend who loves me and doesn’t make me feel like I have to wonder if, I just have to wonder when. Either that or he’s misled me terribly and things are about to go real bad.

My dog is just one dog, but he’s the best dog I could ask for. Okay, so sometimes he pukes in my bed, but it’s not his fault. We’ve all had embarrassing vomiting moments, right? I mean, are any of us really proud of the times that we’ve puked? If you are, please contact me, because I admire your confidence on a serious level. But I digress. My dog is awesome. I mean, if you have any doubts, just look at my Instagram feed. That pooch can take a selfie. And his photobombs are on an expert level. Plus, HE’S JUST SO FLUFFY.

And my living situation? I’m really lucky to rent a home that I can afford to live in by myself and it’s got so much character and tons of land to roam on and it’s next to a field of cows. Who doesn’t love fields of cows??

So, really, my life is awesome. But it’s stagnant. Or at least it feels stagnant.

I think we all struggle with this from time to time. We reach a certain point where we start to feel like life is at a stand-still and we’re so focused on what we want to happen next that we stop letting ourselves see what’s happening now, which is scary because what happens when I have all those things I listed before? Am I just going to sit there and still get this feeling of impatience? Will I have acquired new goals? Or will I finally have figured out how to look at my current state of life and think “You know, this is pretty awesome! What more do I need? Sure, now I have five dogs who puke in my bed, but who cares, we’re all drunk anyway, so NO JUDGEMENTS!” And then I’ll just pour everyone another glass of wine and keep eating cheese.

In my ideal life, there is lots of wine and lots of cheese, and I’m always throwing awesome parties. Some would argue that in my ideal life, there shouldn’t be dogs puking in my bed, but THESE ARE MY DREAMS, SO HUSH.

But that is all still to be discovered. Today, I need to sit and focus on how wonderful things are right now. Great things are to come, yes, but great things are also already here. And one dog puking in my bed is enough.

For now.

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11 Responses to On to the current thing.

  1. I totally relate to this. I feel that stagnant feeling, too. My life is good, but it feels stagnant. It’s definitely worth reminding yourself of all of the great things in your life.

    • Emelie says:

      Oh, I’m so glad I’m not alone in this! I mean, it sucks that someone else is feeling these feelings, but it’s so nice to know that we all get this way. Solidarity.

  2. Carrie Rubin says:

    I can relate. I spend far too much time living in the future. I remind myself that now is now, and that’s where I should be living. Some days I do better than others. Oh well, at least I’m not living in the past.

  3. Julie says:

    “We reach a certain point where we start to feel like life is at a stand-still and we’re so focused on what we want to happen next that we stop letting ourselves see what’s happening now..”

    This was a fantastic way to phrase it. You’ve got an awesome life, a great boyfriend, an amazing dog, and a wonderful place to life full of character and landscapes that most people want on a painting…

    But…saying all this, I also understand the urge to want to push things forward…

    In my own life, I always try to look at where I want to be, and try to form a plan to get there (3 year, 5 year, etc..)…and the cool thing is that you have a “partner in crime” who likely also wants you to have all the things you deserve….even the 5 dogs.

    You’re an awesome person, and those future parties with all that cheese are a place I hope to get to every now and again…

  4. Julie says:

    Ugh…I mean “A wonderful place to *live* full of character.”

    Typos.

  5. Katy Bug says:

    “…because what happens when I have all those things I listed before?” THIS! I get really frustrated with myself sometimes, too. I feel like I should be doing more, that I should have accomplished more by now. But, if I just stick to doing what fulfills me, who says I need to be further along? Creating a career at my own pace is perfectly fine. No need to rush.

    Anyway, great post! I have four cats and one dog, and they are the bestest fluffy little pukers I could ask for.

  6. Emily Allerton says:

    Love this!!! This is such an issue that we can all relate to. I completely resonated with what you wrote and it reminded me of an article (I’m forgetting by who of course….) about this very issue. It said something like this: The founding fathers guaranteed the right to “pursuit of happiness” not “the right to happiness” – they knew that true happiness comes from the process and the journey, not the end result because life is ever evolving and has no final product.
    You totally nailed this aspect of the human condition. I love your posts! 🙂

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