It’s Like Having New Neighbors… Who Serve Me Wine When I Pay Them To.

So… a wine bar opened up literally right up the street from my house. As in, I can walk there in under 2 minutes.

In other words, my life just got so much better while having the potential to become really very sad. I’m choosing to go with the former, because I’m a major How I Met Your Mother fan and they seemed to get along just fine by living above a bar, and that’s just sound logic, Duckies.

Anyway… a few of us gathered at said wine bar last night, and I basked in the glory of the fact that I’d have to do zero driving (which meant that I could do a lot of refilling), while catching up on my friends’ lives.

At one point, Topanga (who is a nurse in the ER) admitted to believing as a child that everyone died in the same position: laying down with their arms crossed peacefully over their chest.

Gumby: You never thought about people who died in car crashes?

Topanga: I don’t know! I was four! I just figured that when you thought you were about to die, you assumed the position. This was quickly proven false, though, because my one friend was all “But Jesus died like this.”

And then Topanga stood there with her arms out crucifixion style.

Because this is how we behave in classy wine bars.

This got me thinking, though, about all the weird shit that we believed as kids. I mean, never mind the fact that I was seriously disappointed when I turned twelve and had never received my letter to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, but when I was a kid, I legitimately believed that my mom knew how to change traffic lights, because she would pretend to cast some spell with her hands, when all that she was really doing was paying attention to all the other lights. Like a logical person.

Actually, now that I’m writing all of this out, I think there’s a great possibility that I just wanted to be a witch and I was looking for any proof I could find to back me up.

What about you? What weird stuff did you believe as a kid?

***

In other news, don’t forget to send your relationship questions to awkwardlywonderful@gmail.com for the new dating advice show on YouTube, “Awkwardly Wonderful Dating Advice” hosted by Rachel from Wandering Through Wonderland and myself! — you’ll totally remain anonymous and you’ll get two hilarious chicks to help you out in your love life. Hopefully.

Have a happy Wednesday, duckies!

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14 Responses to It’s Like Having New Neighbors… Who Serve Me Wine When I Pay Them To.

  1. Roxie says:

    I believed that everyone was laughing WITH me!

  2. CC says:

    I got in trouble when I was a kid for calling my brother a bastard. But, I totally thought I was calling him fish poo (bass turd), which is a perfectly acceptable form of address for a younger brother. 😉

  3. JeeJee Saafir says:

    Fun post, and no you aren’t stealthy are you! LOL I’m actually wracking my brain over hear to remember some of the strange things I believed and I can’t think of anything. I did have an imaginary friend though, so I think that counts!

    Love the mustache!

    JeeJee

  4. Daniel Nest says:

    Ha, I feel a wine-bar-based sitcom shenanigans coming up!

    When I was a kid I liked the story about the goldfish that grants three wishes (who doesn’t?! THREE wishes! THREE!!). Then at some point my mom bought some actual goldfish…I can’t begin to describe the disappointment when my wishes for an ice-cream shooting bazooka and a house made of ice-cream didn’t come true.

  5. Jean says:

    Hello again! Oh boy, I was the weirdest little kid. In my defense, I was lied to a lot as a child, so many of the things I believed were told to me for someone else’s entertainment:

    1. I believed this big office building in Park Ridge, IL was the White House. I believed this for over three years.
    2. I believed the grooves in the asphalt of the tollway, near tollbooths, were monsters under that car that liked to eat red-haired girls.
    3. I believed Jaws lived in an elaborate waterway system underneath in-ground pools (under the grate) so he could be in any pool I was in at anytime.
    4. I believed Shamu was magic and never died and was seriously the same whale from the 1960’s – modern day at SeaWorld.

    Wow, some of that is embarassing! Hehe, nice post 🙂 I love the nostalgia. Have fun with your new wine bar!

  6. Nic says:

    I believed that time only passed if I was physically in that place. If I wasn’t there people were basically frozen until I interacted with them. The rest was an elaborate back story.

  7. filbio says:

    We actually live right across the street from a bar. It’s both wonderful and dangerous at the same time. Be afraid, Be very afraid.

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