It’s Like Being a Disney Princess… Except All My Forest Friends Are Jerks.

Alright, Duckies, I need your help.

For the past four days, I’ve been waking up to a Robin flying face first into my kitchen windows every three seconds, starting at 5AM.

That’s right, guys, a freaking bird is trying to commit suicide via my home. What the heck???

Don’t worry, it gets weirder.

The other morning, I got out of bed and walked over to the window, where I saw said bird flying at me. I assumed it was attacking it’s own reflection, so I started dancing in front of my window to show it that there’s no bird here, it’s just me!!

It stopped, looked me right in the eye, and did it again. So, I took the next logical step and knocked on the window to try and scare it away or warn it or something. I don’t really know what my reason was. It was 5:30AM and I was very sleepy and cranky. It was successful, though! The bird flew away and I went back to bed.

Until twenty minutes later when I heard that “THUNK” again… and again… and again…

This time, when I approached the window, the bird saw me, and flew away.

This pattern continued for about 2 more hours…

Around 7:30, I finally just decided to stay up. I went to the window and watched this bird smack it’s face into the window more times than I’d like to admit while I had my coffee and tried to capture this whole situation on film. (Sadly, that bird would not cooperate with my camera.) That’s when I saw the squirrel sitting on my porch swing.

That’s right, Duckies, there was literally a squirrel using my porch swing, which sits just outside of the windows that the bird was flying into.

I looked at this little squirrel and saw that not only was he sitting on my porch swing, but he was eating a nut and actually watching this bird fly back and forth between the branch and my window.

I’m not even sure how to react to this.

Anyway, I can’t figure out how to get this whole routine to end. It’s been four days straight of this, and every morning is the same: The bird wakes up, starts flying at my window, and the squirrel eats his breakfast and watches it all go down.

Has anyone else ever had this problem? If so, please help.

This is my life. Why couldn’t I just get the cute critters that sing to me and help me get dressed in the morning?

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15 Responses to It’s Like Being a Disney Princess… Except All My Forest Friends Are Jerks.

  1. oh my, I have no idea…but I am chuckling over here at the image…:) But if you fiqure out how to have cute critters sing to you..and maybe cook/clean please share!

  2. Deb Dutilh says:

    Curtains — no pun intended for the suicidal bird. What a fun and enjoyable read, too. Thanks for sharing a slice of your morning trials these days! Hopefully, one of those singing helpful pleasant critters will show up for you soon.

  3. jessalizann says:

    That bird might not be suicidal…. It COULD be an assassin, a poorly-trained assassin…

  4. filbio says:

    Hahaha! I would love to see this. Are you sure you’re not living in Storyville on the tv show Once Upon a Time?


  5. My first thought was that. Maybe you’re living in a game of angry birds, but it doesn’t explain the squirrel.

  6. Barbara says:

    Can the bird see the squirrel’s reflection in the glass? If so, maybe it’s trying to steal it’s brekkie! Or maybe it’s a terrorist birdie or kamakazi birdie or…maybe just plain crazy birdie!!

  7. marymcdonald says:

    What a hoot! (aagh! bad pun!)

    Seriously, you may want to just cut out a bird-shape from construction paper (a flying-bird shape) and put it on the place where he tends to hit. The shape will probably override his impression that there’s another angry bird and he’ll just see the “flying” one. Of course, if that doesn’t work, you can always claim that it’s a target and that having him hit the window is intentional…

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  9. Virginia says:

    Try putting a fake snake on the windowsill. It usually does the trick to keep birds away. Unless your bird is truly suicidal…then it might just sit there and wait for the snake to eat him!

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