It should go without saying, but just to clarify, I do not decorate with boobs or butts.

Every now and again I get this burning desire to just reorganize my entire home. I want to go to tag sales and find great new pieces and I want to use pallets to make my coffee table look more rustic.

This usually happens when I look through magazines or when the new Ikea catalog shows up at my house.

What always ends up happening, of course, when I finally do end up going to a tag sale and finding that great new piece is that I stop there. I have no idea how to execute my ideas. I fail at the follow-through. So then these weird little accent pieces just sit there, forgotten in my hallway. They somehow gain the power of the TARDIS and I manage to walk by them without even realizing they’re there anymore. Until all of a sudden, one day, I’ll stub my toe on the thing and BAM! I’m back into my “I should redecorate” phase.

And thus the cycle repeats itself.

I treat free or cheap furniture like puppies that follow me home. For example, a few weeks ago, Boyfriend came over to find that my entire living room had been taken over by large chests. Not large-breasted women. That would be a way weirder story if I told you that Boyfriend came over and found my home full of Hooters waitresses just hanging around and I’d be all “What? I just found them on the street!”

No. I mean trunks. Not butts. Trunks like what Harry Potter would travel with.

There is just no way to talk about these things without innuendo, is there?

Anyway, I had acquired a couple huge chests/trunks/boxes (oh god…), and Boyfriend was puzzled.

Boyfriend: Where are you going to put these?

Me: Right where they are.

Boyfriend: Just randomly in the middle of your living room? Where will we walk?

Me: …around them?

Boyfriend: But… what are they for?

Me: I haven’t quite figure that out just yet, but they must be useful, right? And don’t you like this one? It’s covered in blue tin!

Boyfriend: It’s all rusty… we’re going to need tetanus shots.

Me: Well, honestly, you probably should have done that when you met me, so that’s on you. Now, will you help me move these? They look ridiculous where they are.

Boyfriend: …………….sure.

So I guess this is sort of a success story. Go me!

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2 Responses to It should go without saying, but just to clarify, I do not decorate with boobs or butts.

  1. B says:

    Maybe you can use them to store blankets or something!

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