I’m Safe Because I’m Not a Mermaid. Thank God.

Being a redhead means one of two things:

  1. You’re awkward, kinda chubby, and about 18 different flavors of outcastRon-Weasley
  2. Or you’re blessed with every attractive quality possible:amypond


Unless you’re like me and you have that strawberry-blonde hair color, which makes you  a strange blend of incredibly awkward, but not hideous to look at. It’s kind of nice, actually, being the weirdo that I am. It means that guys might hit on me at bars, but then when I start talking about Harry Potter and Doctor Who, they’ll leave me alone. It’s a wonderful defense mechanism that requires very little effort on my part.

We all know that I’ve had various awkward conversations in my lifetime. Granted, most of them are my fault, but my hair has become an odd source of these conversations, and since I don’t want to dye my hair for various reasons, the comments that I get never seem to end. Here’s just a sample of some conversations I’ve had:

In the salon:

Hairdresser: Is this your natural color?

Me: Yup!

Hairdresser: Oh my gawd, I love it. You don’t have any coloring in here at all?

Me: Nope. I’ve never dyed my hair.

Hairdresser: YESSS!!! VIRGIN HAIR!!!!

And that’s when I became very aware of how sacrificial the act of cutting one’s hair can be.


At church:

Elderly Woman (think Bathilda Bagshot in the last Harry Potter film before the whole snake thing): [getting very close to my face and peering at me suspiciously] Is your hair red or brown?

Me: Um… Red.

Elderly Woman: Brown?

Me: No… It’s red.

Elderly Woman: Orange?!

Me: Yeah, I guess it kind of is orange…

Elderly Woman: Hm… How did you obtain that?

Me: Um… birth?

Elderly Woman: Well, I’ll be danged!!

And then she just walked away.

Not only did she not believe her own eyes, but she also wasn’t completely sure whether or not to trust that I knew what color my own hair was… and then it wasn’t even “is that your natural color?” but it was “How did you obtain that?” As if I worked really hard to make my hair the color that it is. I concocted potions and mixed dyes together for years in a bubbling cauldron and then I sold my voice to a ragged witch in exchange for this hair color – OH MY GOD, SHE IS THAT WITCH.  This woman is going to try and steal my hair. Now I’m terrified.

This must be what Ariel went through in The Little Mermaid. Well, back off bitch, because I HAVE LEGS, SO YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BARGAIN WITH!

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17 Responses to I’m Safe Because I’m Not a Mermaid. Thank God.

  1. Jean says:

    Oh ginger sister. I know thee struggle. Your red is more vibrant than mine, but it still throws people for a loop. Use it like a weapon. Your hair is beautiful. And you happen to be funny and smart 🙂

    A guy in a bar asked if I burst into flames in the sun. Same man asked if it was true if all redheads are feisty freaks in bed… All he had to talk about was hair color. Needless to say he never got to find out if the latter was true.

  2. Elderly Woman: Hm… How did you obtain that?

    Me: Um… birth?

    Oh my gosh. I laughed loudly at that. Also I love that you snuck in the Potter reference. Not a red head myself (curses) but I do love the color of hair.

    Well written. Thanks for the laugh.

  3. Roxie says:

    Orange you glad you’re so pretty? 🙂

  4. Johnny Knox says:

    Proud to say I’ve dated a redhead once 🙂 Ummm…did I say it wasn’t her natural color!? 🙂

  5. Amy says:

    Omg ur answer to “how did you obtain that” made me burst out laughing. I almost bought some dye that looks quite close to your color. My hair is a sandy blonde, pretty brownish shade. I used to dye it auburn red but now looking for something where people don’t think I dyed it. I guess I would still get questioned lol

  6. Aussa Lorens says:

    Ha! I think my favorite comment was at some random fast food place on a recent roadtrip when this cashier girl was like “what color do you call that?” It was such a weird way of commenting on my hair that I kind of stammered there for a minute, like “uhh.. red but I guess its really orange?” I felt some sort of need to consult a crayon box and get my answer just right.

  7. Kim says:

    “18 different flavors of outcast.”

    Hahaha. Yup. You’re my kind of blogger. Smart and hilarious with kick ass writing. Glad I found you!

  8. Oh man! It’s like my like except not at all. Awkward yes. Natural ginger, nope. All fake. And when I did it, holy crap the random commentary!!

  9. Maybe you should look into getting that mustache of yours dyed to match your gorgeous hair. I’m happy to find another funny, awkward, not too bad to look at blogger to read.

  10. Lisa Newlin says:

    You would think a woman at church would be a bit more of a believer than that.

    Either way, I think your hair is beautiful, and it’s even more beautiful that it’s virgin hair.

    Ew. That sounded gross. Let’s never say that again.

  11. Phil says:

    So, as a hot redhead do you have a soul? Does the carpet match the drapes?

    LOL! Personally, I dig redheads and have dated a few. Plus, nerdy gals are sexy. Stay red Emelie. Don’t let anyone take your virgin hair away.

  12. Rachel G says:

    haha!! It’s so hilarious the way that people feel the need to comment on other people’s physical features. I feel so special with brown hair and brown eyes–nobody comments about me! Yes!! 😛

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