I’m Living with a Poop Ninja.

I just got home from work and I am so tired I can hardly move, not because it was a tiring day at work, but because I barely got any sleep last night.

Because somebody won’t stop pooping on the carpet.

IT’S NOT FUNNY, ALOY.

We’re not sure what the real problem is. Last night was definitely abnormal in that she was clearly not feeling well and woke us up with stink bombs every hour or so. Is she sick? Is she stressed? Is this just part of her rebellious stage?!?

The thing with Aloy is that she’s really smart, but she’s also a freaking ninja when it comes to anything bathroom-related. Throughout the day, she’ll chat at you and bark at her toys or at Gio, but when it comes to going to the bathroom, all she does is quietly walk over to the staircase that leads outside, stare down it briefly, and then walk away, presumably assuming that we just can’t be bothered to respond. EXCEPT SOMETIMES WE AREN’T IN THE ROOM SO WE NEVER SEE THE SIGNS.

We’ve bought the bells and now every time we take her out, we ring the bells. She still just stands there.

So we’re at a weird loss and I’m kind of hoping that patience will win out here, but also what if our life is just filled with poop forever? Whatever poor NSA agent that is forced to read my google history is just like “my god, woman, why do you keep googling stuff about dog poop?” But then again, maybe this agent is also having dog poop problems and I’m helping her while also helping myself, so… it’s a win/win? Or a lose/lose? Seeing as how we’re both having to research the causes of dog poop, I’m pretty sure it’s the latter, but who knows? Maybe this is how I end up meeting an NSA agent and then I’ll be hired to be a secret agent who fights crimes! Against dog poop! Wow. This really took a turn, didn’t it? Did I mention I was tired? Where am I?

Oh, right. Aloy keeps ninja-pooping and it’s terrible. But I do recognize that it’s also kind of hilarious when it’s not happening to you. For example, while I was at work today, I received a text from The Mr, who had closed Aloy in his office with him so that he could keep an eye on her:

Him

Me: Oh no. What happened?

Him: <photo of dog poop on his office floor that I will spare you from looking at, my dear readers>

Me: 🙁 …but it looks solid, so… yay!

Him: I was giving a presentation to a client.

Him: and she just ninja-pooped halfway through it.

Him: So I had to sit in my office for 30 more minutes just smelling her poop.

Me: 

via GIPHY

I’m a good wife.

So now I’m spending the rest of my evening reading up on what to do when your housetrained dog just decides to throw everything she’s learned out the window.

But at least I’m doing my part for the country by helping out a government employee along the way.


This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks (like exclusive vlogs or messages from my dog), please click here.

This entry was posted in Ramblings and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to I’m Living with a Poop Ninja.

  1. April says:

    Oh I know how to do this one!!

    This only works if you are home with the dog for the most part though.

    So every hour, you take the dog outside on a leash and watch to make sure they go. If they do not go, they go into the kennel. If they do go, then they get treats immediately. If they go into the kennel, they hang out for about 15 minutes, then back on the leash and back outside until they go. Repeat until poop happens.

    This is generally for peeing inside, but with some adjustments, you can make it work for poop too. Like first thing in the morning, you know they gotta poop. I would also think about an hour after meal times? You just have to adjust and find her poop schedule. Almost no dogs will go in a kennel though, maybe when meetings are going to happen, you take her out 30 minutes before, do the kennel thing and if she still hasn’t gone, she stays in the kennel for the duration of the meeting?

    • Emelie says:

      Yeah, that’s exactly what we did though. It’s more that she has forgotten her training only for poop. We’ve also started introducing the potty bells to help her learn that she needs to let us know, and that seems to be helping.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *