So, as you may or may not remember, Duckies. Last week I was in New York City.
This story has nothing to do with that, though, because the entire thing takes place in line at the airport.
So, there was this dude in front of me at the check-in line who had a GIANT suitcase. Like… he might have had a great dane in there. He didn’t though, as I found out, because he bent down to open it while we were still waiting to be checked in, and he had another suitcase inside it. I was… fascinated by this guy.
So, naturally, I struck up a conversation because I just had to know what was going on there, and it turns out that he was a very nice young gent from St. Louis who was on his way home from College. Suddenly, things were making more sense.
Anyway, we wished each other safe flights and went our separate ways.
Okay, so before you start thinking that this ended up in some cute romantic scene at the airport bar, it doesn’t. Instead it ends with me being weird when we ran into each other at the airport security line, where I found myself behind him in line for the second time that day.
St. Louis: Oh, hello again.
Me: Oh, hi! I’m not stalking you, I promise.
St. Louis: Oh good. Things could have been weird if you were.
So then all of a sudden, the airport security guy was all “Bag check!”
St. Louis: Is it for that gift bag?
Security Guard: Yeah, what’s in it?
St. Louis: It’s a gift for my girlfriend’s parents. They’re bath salts.
Security Guard: Alright, well we’re gonna have to investigate it real fast.
St. Louis: Yeah, that’s fine. Turns to me: Sorry about this..
Me: Oh, it’s fine. I have plenty of time. That’s a nice gift, though, so kudos.
St. Louis: Thanks! I can’t take credit, though, it was totally her idea.
Me: Ha, fair enough. Still, nice thought. Although… I can see why these guys would be suspicious, since those things turn people into zombies and all…
And then there was an awkward silence just before they asked him to step out of line while they examined his bath salts.
I never saw him after that, so I sincerely hope I didn’t get him detained or anything…
Anyway, in other news, I’m proud to announce that Pixie Stick and I are going forth with our web series Awkwardly Wonderful Dating Advice. Get ready to hear our weird stories and answers to all your dating questions, which you can and should send to email@example.com. It’s sure to be amazing.
Your love life will never be the same. Probably.
More updates to come!!