So I just had a couch delivered to my apartment. It’s a pretty big deal, since I’ve never actually purchased furniture before. My furniture acquiring skills previously included “Hey! Bring your truck. I just found a mattress on the street and it’s super comfortable.”
The economy sucks and I’m in my twenties, don’t judge me.
Anyway, the couch just arrived and it looks like this:
I’m currently awaiting the most testosterone-filled person I know to show up and help me assemble this in exchange for beer. Call me a shitty feminist, but for those of you who know me, this is the smartest way for me to go about this. Just because I’m female doesn’t mean I’m weak, but I am Emelie Samuelson, so I will find a way to screw this up and then I’ll end up just sitting on a pile of IKEA cushions with no identifiable structure.
Anyway, after the couch showed up and I thanked the delivery guys (was I supposed to tip them? I never know how to do that), I got a phone call. It was a lovely and slow-speaking robotic woman asking me if I would be willing to answer a few yes or no questions about my delivery. I’ve got nothing but time and I’m pretty lonely, so I said yes.
Robot: Did you receive a phone call from the delivery team to say they were on their way? Press 1 for “yes” and 2 for “no.”
I pressed 1
Robot: Did the delivery team arrive within the time-frame you were told? Press 1 for “yes” and 2 for “no.”
I pressed 1
Robot: Did you like the appearance of your delivery team? Press 1 for “yes” and 2 for “no.”
Me: Um… What? Did I like the appearance of my delivery team? Are you asking me if I thought they were hot? I mean… not really, but they didn’t scare me or anything… so…. sure?
Robot: Would you invite the delivery team back to your home? Press 1 for “yes” and 2 for “no.”
Me: Excuse me?! I barely know them! I mean, sure I let them in this one time, but they had a couch! My couch, in fact! I’m not exactly ready to ask them to stay for dinner. What are you even saying, IKEA robot? Do my give off that strong of a vibe of loneliness? I did not agree to a match-making service when I asked for this couch. Was I supposed to invite these guys to stay? You know what, whatever, sure. They seemed nice. I’ll just press 1. Send ’em on over.
Robot: Did the package arrive to you undamaged? Press 1 for “yes” and 2 for “no.”
I pressed 1.