You know when you’re in the beginnings of a romantic interest and you do your best to make sure that the other person sees mainly all the wonderful and charming details about you? As far as you and that person are concerned, everything you do is classy and elegant and super attractive.
Unless you’re me….
A text I sent to my sister on Monday morning: I just dripped coffee on my white shirt…. attempted to clean said coffee with water. Now I have a very visible boob situation. This is my life.
At least… that’s the text I meant to send to my sister.
You see, my sister’s name happens to be listed in my phone right next to the guy that I really like…the guy that I haven’t officially met in person yet because we met online and for various legitimate reasons have not been able to actually be in the same place and the same time… anyway… in my panicked state of dealing with the clusterfuck that is me, I did not, in fact, send my sister that text. The best part? I didn’t even notice the embarrassing error of my ways until I found myself in this conversation:
Guy I Like: Lol work is not the right venue for a wet t-shirt contest. You should know these things.
My internal monologue: Oh noooooo…. That is not my sister’s name… fuuuuuuuck… Where is the nearest beach? I must go to it and bury my head deep into the sand now… Okay… just go with it. You’ll be fine.
My actual response: I’ve been shunned to the back until I can present myself in a less pornographic manner.
Guy I Like: Good PR Move.
Naturally, in my panic and shame, I texted my best friend, who for legal reasons has intelligently decided to go by the name “John Hamm” on this blog.
John Hamm: Bahahahahaha
Me: Because I needed to really embarrass myself with this guy eventually, right?
John Hamm: Absolutely. Law of the universe.
Me: I haven’t even officially met this guy and I’m already sending him messages about my boobs LIKE A FLOOZY.
John Hamm: In all fairness, you meant to send your flooziness to your sister.
Me: Yes, but he doesn’t know that.
John Hamm: Did you explain that to him??
Me: No! We just went with it like it was a totally normal thing for me to send him!
John Hamm: Oh my gosh…
Me: He was all “Work is not the place for a wet t-shirt contest, Emelie” and I was all MORTIFIED.
John Hamm: That’s hilarious. You could have simply just been like “For the record…”
Me: Yes, but we both know I don’t possess that level of tact…. but I am going to tell him because I have to blog about this.
John Hamm: Yes. Yes you do.
In other news, I was featured on The Incredible Adventures of Malleable Mom, which is kind of awesome, so you should go check her out.
There’s a new Page Break video, so you should go watch that, too.
Also, this ad is amazing and I feel the need to share it with the world, because Girl Power.