My mom and I were on our way to get our nails done before my wedding and as we were driving along, we were listening to the radio. We weren’t talking much, but I didn’t particularly find it to be an uncomfortable silence. My mother, however, did not feel the same way.
Mom: For the love of God, say something.
Me: Um… sorry?
Mom: Why are you so quiet?
Me: I don’t know! We’re listening to music! I didn’t have anything to say!
Mom: You always have something to say.
Me: Not always.
Mom: Well, the silence is weird.
Me: Alright… what are you going to do after we get our nails done?
Mom: I need to go to the grocery store.
Me: Oh… do you want me to go with you?
Mom: No, I like going by myself.
Me: Oh, thank God. I hate grocery stores.
Me: I hate grocery stores. They give me anxiety.
Mom: How can a grocery store give you anxiety? It’s just a grocery store.
Me: I don’t know. I get overwhelmed. There are so many options.
Mom: Yeah, but just buy what you want. You don’t need to get everything.
Me: Well, yeah, but I don’t know what I want. Take bread for example, have you seen how many different types of bread there are? There’s whole grain, all grain, 7-grain, whole wheat – what is the difference between whole grain and whole wheat, by the way, and which seven grains are in the bread, are those the seven grains that I want? – and then there’s white bread, which I know isn’t the one I should get, and then there’s organic and all natural and so many different brands, you know? Oh man, and then I go to the produce aisle and I get so afraid of how to tell what’s ripe and what stage do you buy certain things, and why is always SO COLD? I hate going through those freezer aisles. It’s the worst —
Mom: –OH MY GOD, STOP TALKING.
Me: YOU ASKED FOR THIS!
Mom: WELL I FORGOT WHO I WAS IN THE CAR WITH, OKAY?
Mom: …your brain is really terrifying, you know that?
Me: Thanks, Mom.
And then it started to rain, but because we were in my brother’s car, I couldn’t figure out how to turn on the windshield wipers, so I started talking to the steering wheel and then I realized that the windshield wipers were activated by a lever that operated much like a Bop-It, so I started imitating the Bop-It, but I don’t think my mom knows what a Bop-It is, so I can’t really say that I helped ease her mind about me.
Needless to say, I did not end up having to go to the grocery store, so I still say the day was a massive success.
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