GUYS. GUYS. GUYS. GUYS. GUYS.
GREG. MADE. CONTACT.
YES. THAT GREG. AS IN, DEAR DIARY: GREG.
Okay, I’ll try and stop freaking out. I know that most of you loved Greg just as much as we do, but for those of you that don’t know what the heck I’m talking about, let me explain. John Hamm, Lemon, and I used to
legitimately jokingly stalk this guy that we worked with at the restaurant. His name is Greg and he was awesome. You can read all about him and our other obsessive diary entries here, here, here, and here.
And then, out of nowhere, Greg moved… which I’m positive had nothing to do with us… and our tendency to write obsessive yet hilarious diary entries about him… The three of us girls sank into a deep, lonely depression. We got together nightly to cry over the loss of our great love… We listened to a lot of Celine Dion…
Anyway, about a week ago, GREG CONTACTED US. He totally commented on the blog and was all “Bring back more diary entries!! I miss you guys!” And we were all “OMG GREG!!!!”
So Greg…. You asked for it, buddy. We revived our obsessive teenage selves and went to town.
Dear Diary: Where has Greg been?! Has he been fishing the Atlantic coasts a la George Cloone in The Perfect Storm?
Dear Diary: What do you think Greg’s been doing? Perhaps he discovered sunken treasure in the Bermuda Triangle?
Dear Diary: Is Greg hunting for Amelia Earhart? I know that was always a dream of his, Diary…
Dear Diary: Is it possible that Greg has traded out his hat for a flight cap and aviator goggles? Would I even recognize him if I saw him??
Dear Diary: Did the marmoset become the sultan of a small Caribbean island?
Dear Diary: Has Greg brought peace to any remote islands?
Dear Diary: I do not know if the Caribbean has sultans… Was Greg the first?
Dear Diary: Do you think Greg has been living in a secret cloud city? Where they have erected a statue of the marmoset in Greg’s hat in his honor?
Dear Diary: Has Greg tamed the Wild West?
Dear Diary: Has Greg been discovering the lost city of Atlantis??
Dear Diary: Maybe he happened upon a long lost underwater city what worships Ayn Rand!!
Dear Diary: Were Greg and his marmoset on Oceanic Flight 815?!?!?! SO MANY QUESTIONS, DIARY!!!
Dear Diary: Do you think Greg has climbed the Eiffel Tower?
Dear Diary: Have Greg and his marmoset been dead the whole time??
Dear Diary: Has Greg been stuck in his own dreams?
Dear Diary: Did Greg spin the top, and if so, has it fallen over yet?
Dear Diary: Is Greg Keyser Soze?!
Dear Diary: Did Greg find a time machine??? He could be anywhere! Any time! Do you think it could be possible, Diary???
Dear Diary: If Greg had a time machine, do you think he’d go back and fight the Nazis with Wonder Woman and Indiana Jones?
Dear Diary: I think Greg was punching Nazis.
Dear Diary: Is Greg The Doctor? Is the marmoset his companion??
Dear Diary: Did Greg and the marmoset go back and write all of Shakespeare’s plays for him?
Dear Diary: Has Greg colonized the moon?
Dear Diary: Is Greg’s hat a fashionable tiny TARDIS?
Dear Diary: Was Greg’s chef knife actually a sonic screwdriver?
Dear Diary: Is Greg responsible for Stonehenge?
Dear Diary: Had Greg been responsible for 90% of the shady back room deals in Washington for the past 10 years?
Dear Diary: Did Edward Snowden leak classified NSA documents about Greg’s hat?
Dear Diary: Was it Greg in the crash at Area 51?
Dear Diary: Has Greg been hiding with Snowden in Moscow??
Dear Diary: If Snowden applied to Greg for asylum, do you think he’d grant it?
Dear Diary: He would have to live in the TARDIS hat for the rest of his life…
Dear Diary: Do you think Greg’s hat serves as a mini helicopter? Like Inspector Gadget? Has he been cruising back and forth through the Grand Canyon?
Dear Diary: …Was Greg the second gunman? Was it the marmoset?
Dear Diary: If Greg fell in the forest and no one was around to hear it, would it still make a sound?
Dear Diary: Do you think Greg has been a shrimp boat captain?
Dear Diary: Is his company called “Bubba Greg Shrimp?” Is the slogan “You girls are so weird…”?
Dear Diary: Do you think Greg constructed the pyramids?
Dear Diary: Why has Greg chosen now to contact us? Is the world in peril once again?
Dear Diary: Do you think Greg has been keeping his own diary? Are we real? What if we are only manifestations of his writing? Paranoid now, Diary…
Dear Diary: Is Greg incepting us? Whose dream is this??
To be continued…