The other night, I was just sitting at home, feeling good about myself, drinking tea, and reading a book. It was perfect.
I felt my phone buzz and looked down to see that my mother had texted me:
Mom: I have a very important and honorable assignment for you.
Mom: It doesn’t look like your brother will be coming home for Christmas. Would you please be Santa for the kids?
Me: None of the guys want to play Santa? (It is important to note here that I have two brothers-in-law and a father who will all be home for Christmas)
Mom: I haven’t asked anyone else. I just think that you’d be the best to step in 🙂
Me: You think I’m the best choice to play an old man?
Mom: Well, don’t say it like that!
Me: Oh, I’m sorry. Gee, Mom. Stop. I’m blushing. This flattery is too much.
Mom: We are sooooo happy that you’re coming home.
Mom: And you’re the best actress in the family.
Me: Are you trying to butter me up?
Mom: Is it working?
So… I’m super excited about this Christmas, you guys. I’m gonna be the best Santa ever.
UPDATE: Neighbor boy agreed to play Santa and I was allowed to maintain some fragment of what dignity I have left. This is probably for the best seeing as how the chances of me screwing this up and revealing that I’m not the real Santa and therefore crushing my nieces’ and nephew’s hopes and dreams, which would only result in my banishment from the family were pretty high. I was only sort of drunk, but to be fair, so was Santa.
In other news, there’s a new Page Break episode. Cole and I came up with our Top 14 Books of 2014! Check it out!