Dragon: I can’t believe you let the dog lick you on the face. He licks his own butthole with that thing!
Me: Well, you wipe your own butthole with your hand, but I still hold it.
Dragon: Not with my bare hand!
Me: Whatever. Dog’s mouths are actually one of the cleaner things around, you know.
Dragon: Emelie, I’m watching him eat something that he just found on the ground.
Me: Eh. Science has shown that they have a disinfectant in their saliva. So really he’s just cleaning my kitchen. Thanks, buddy!
Dragon: So are you telling that you’re okay with dog fecal matter on your face just because you think it’s disinfected? That’s still dog shit on your face.
Me: …well it’s not like he just licked his butthole… all that crap has to have been swallowed by now.
And then, after all that, Dragon kissed me before he left for work, so who’s actually the nasty one here?