I was skyping with my dear friend Pixie Stick last night, and she was telling me about how she went on a date with a guy she met online.
Me: Wow, really? You’re doing the whole internet dating thing now?
Pixie Stick: Well, Emelie… I was home and a little drunk the other night and I thought “Why not?”
Me: Interesting… which site?
She told me and I went onto the site to check out her selection, and that’s when I discovered why the Internet is a wonderful and scary place… yet again. I ended up writing down mine and Pixie Stick’s greatest comments while window shopping for men (the way that God intended it.) Enjoy!:
“Who are these people and why would he choose a picture of himself with a dead fish?”
“Oh, here’s another one of a guy with a dead fish!!! Except this guy is hot.”
“Oh my gawd that fish is HUGE.”
“”I don’t think anyone can beat this ‘fix-it’ guy… He looks like a Norse god who wandered down from the mountains and into the pizzeria.”
“See? It’s cool when you do internet dating with somebody else, but it’s weird when you do it alone… Like… sex.”
“Oh no, another dead fish! Except it’s a child!” … “Wait….WHAT?”
“Wait!! He was kidnapped in Amsterdam by the Romanian mafia!!”
“Well.. now the internet will think I am a lesbian.”
“I feel better now that I know he’s the mascot and not the guy with the boner.”
“His career is science!!”
“What is that, a selfie in a mall?”
This guy is in the military… oh but he’s only 5’6″ … “He probably has a Napoleon complex”
“This guy is wearing a hooters shirt at the beach…”
“This is just a picture of David Beckham!” … “Are you sure it’s not actually David Beckham?”
“He looks very surprised that someone photgraphed him v-jaying on his laptop.”
“Why is he covered in blood?!?”