And My Mother Makes Her Debut… with Assless Chaps

I have a strange life problem. Well… it’s really a blessing and a curse.

I have a hot mom.

Don’t get me wrong, 99% of the time, it freaking rocks to know that my parents are still so young at heart. It’s the other 1% I try and block out. Let me explain.

My mom is in her mid-fifties and she looks like she’s… well… much younger. Mind you, she has had no cosmetic surgery, the woman just teaches six aerobics classes a week, three of which are at 5:45 in the morning, and then she goes and rides her horse for at least an hour almost every day. Throw in the fact that we’re 100% Swedish and you’ve got yourself one hot mamma. Needless to say, this woman can kick my ass. She’s awesome.

She is also wonderfully weird.

We were sitting around the other day and having coffee, and the subject of Christmas came up.

Mom: Oh! If anyone is stuck on what to get me for Christmas, go to [insert big country horse supply store here]! They have so many awesome things!

Me: Okay, like what? Keep in mind that I’m poor.

Mom: Well, they even have horse treats.

Me: Mom… I’m not going to buy you a bag of horse treats for Christmas!

Mom: Well, I’ll use them!

Me: Okay.. is there something that’s in between horse treats and like… a new saddle?

Mom: Oh, I wouldn’t ask you for a saddle. Oh, but you know what, they do have these awesome leather chaps that have fringe going all the way down the sides.

Me: As in… assless chaps?

Mom: Well, yeah, Emelie. All chaps are assless.

Me: I am not buying my mother anything that can be described as assless.

Mom: Why? I think they’re cool!

Me: Let’s change the subject please. How did your burlesque aerobics class go?Β I admit that this might not have been the best subject change, but this is how we talk, people.

Mom: Oh, it was so much fun! We had feather boas and everything, it was great. Oh, except my friend was sick and she was so upset that she couldn’t be there.

Me: Oh, that sucks! She would have had fun.

Mom: I know, and she was supposed to make “penises in a blanket” so then we ended up not having any “penises in a blanket” πŸ™

Me: Mom… I think it’s about time I write about you in my blog.

Mom: Really? Why?

Me: Because I love you. And someone needs to start writing down the things that you say.

I’m not kidding, though. I truly do love my mom, and I rarely pass up the opportunity to hang out with her nowadays. I honestly hope that I’m as badass and free-spirited as she is for the rest of my life. She freaking rocks.

This also means I’m going to have to start working out, though…

I love you, Mom!

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40 Responses to And My Mother Makes Her Debut… with Assless Chaps

  1. Carrie Rubin says:

    I’m definitely loving your mom. Would like to be a fly on the wall during one of your conversations. πŸ™‚

  2. Love your mom! And since we’re the same age (your mom and me, not you and me…sigh, when did THAT happen? :), ask her if she wants a new BFF (or at least a new student in her burlesque class!) Great post!

  3. GK Adams says:

    Penises in a Blanket? ROFLMAO!!! I’m assuming that those are quite similar to Pigs in a Blanket? But if that’s the case, then it begs to question: why would anyone bring penises/pigs in a blanket to a burlesque aerobics? Don’t answer that, please!

    • Hahahaha – it was a special event class and the theme was burlesque/ladies’ night, so it ended with virgin (lame!) margaritas. The “penises in a blanket” were probably more for hilarity than health… but they do say that laughter is the best thing for you, right? πŸ™‚

  4. GK Adams says:

    P.S. I think you need to change the time on your blog. There is no way I just left my comment 6 hours into the future. Wait…maybe I did and just went back in time just now. I’m magical and didn’t even know it!

  5. She sounds like my mum! enjoying your blog very much πŸ™‚

  6. momtimes4 says:

    Ha Ha Ha!!! I think you should buy her those chaps.

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  11. Bev says:

    Haha, that is hilarious! Conversations with my mom are definitely not that colorful. Happy SITS day!

  12. Amazing. Pure genius. This stuff really couldn’t be made up. Your mom is amazing. Visiting from SITS and this was exactly what I needed to get my morning started.

  13. sjskill says:

    Absolutely funny! Enjoy your SITS Day and your mom.

  14. Dana says:

    I love that this is one of the posts you chose for your SITS day – now your mom will have a million admirers! I hope my daughter has a blog when she grows up and writes an awesome post about me. But I’m pretty sure it won’t involve assless chaps.

  15. She sounds like an awesome mom!!!

  16. Heather says:

    How awesome! She definitely sounds like a lady who enjoys her life. I also grew up with a “hot mom” and it was pretty awesome most of the time…until my guy friends started talking about her. She is now starting to fit into her grandma role (finally!). Happy SITS day!

  17. Heather says:

    She sounds pretty awesome! Lucky you for having her killer genes. Happy SITS day!

  18. Hopefully you’ve inherited all her good genes! And when you’re 50+ your genes will look good in assless chaps!

  19. Keia Lee says:

    Your mom sounds a lot llke my mom! My siblings and I are always quoting a classic mom phrase! Ha Ha

  20. beingawordsmith says:

    Hysterical! I laughed the whole time I was reading. Enjoy your SITS Day!

  21. TheStickyMom says:

    Happy SITS Day. I love reading blogs that make me laugh and feel like I’m part of the conversation. Thanks for sharing!

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