Okay, soo….. We all know that I can’t be trusted with anything even remotely involving risk, right? I mean, this is sort of all Fiancé’s fault for casually thinking that I understood the dangers here.
Allow me to explain.
Fiancé and I are getting married a week from tomorrow (AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!) and we’ve been very DIY with this whole wedding thing. Many people have had to convince me that I cannot, in fact, do everything myself. Hiring people to do things is worth it, and while those people are correct and I am relieved that I won’t be spending the morning of my wedding panicking about making flower crowns, there are still plenty of things that we are willing to do ourselves.
Things like… staining and painting the wooden signs that will be directing people toward parking and other wedding-related shenanigans.
It all seemed like a very good idea at the time and perhaps for normal, more stable and steady-handed people it still would be considered a good idea.
And let me be clear about the fact that I wasn’t a complete idiot about this process. I made plenty of good decisions!
Smart choices made by me include:
- Doing this outside.
- Wearing clothes that I was prepared to ruin.
- Bringing beer to the space. (Fun fact: Grammarly was all “this should be Bringing beer to space” and ummm… STOP READING MY DIARY, GRAMMARLY.)
- Playing awesome tunes.
See? Already you’re more confident in me than you thought you would be.
But let’s return to one of those smart choices I mentioned: the clothes. Choice number 2. I was totally prepared to sacrifice my jean shorts and my Guns & Roses crop top. A few stain stains would only make them cooler, in my opinion. And I would like to take this opportunity to point out that Fiancé said nothing. He did not warn me, NOR DID HE TELL ME HOW AWESOME I LOOKED.
So we stained, and it was all “La, la, la, staining, staining, staining, la la la” and then we had to wait for that coat to dry, so I sat down on the blanket I brought out (great choice number 5, thank you very much) and I looked down at my legs and I was all “Oh cool!! Look, honey, I’M ALL SPECKLY!!!”
Fiancé was not entertained.
Fiancé: Holy crap, Emelie, no!!
Me: What? How do you not think this is awesome? My legs look like a dinosaur egg.
Fiancé: Babe, that’s going to stain your skin.
Me: Yeah, but it’s not like I’m not going to shower.
Fiancé: Emelie, I got some wood stain on my hand like ten years ago and it only just started to fade.
Me: ….No… But we’re getting married next week! And then we’re going on a honeymoon! I can’t have dinosaur egg legs and feet for all that!
Fiancé: I agree.
Me: What do we do?!?
Fiancé then threw a wet paper towel at me and said “Start scrubbing. I’ll be right back.”
And then, while I got to work, he ran inside and returned shortly with a giant bowl of soapy water, a rag, a bottle of lotion, and a giant jug of acetone, which for some weird reason I didn’t think to ask where he found it or why we have it, but apparently we do and I’m weirdly grateful. I picture Fiancé at the hardware store one day and seeing that and thinking “Who would ever need such a thing?” and then thinking about me and quietly sighing while he placed it in the cart because he just knew that one day I would probably do something that would require an acetone intervention (new band name?). Good call, honey.
And then Fiancé handed me a paper towel soaked in acetone and said “this is going to burn” right before he took his own acetone-soaked rag and started washing my feet as though I were Jesus and he a lowly prostitute.
And that’s love, I think, especially because he managed to keep my pedicure in perfect condition, which is impressive that this stuff is the main ingredient in nail polish remover.
Oh, and yes, it burned. A lot. Hence the lotion. He’s such a smart guy. The yin to my yang.
In other news, this is my final blog post before I’m married, which is nuts!! I’ll be gone from the blog for the next three weeks, but I have a series of guest blog posts from AMAZING people coming at you while I’m away, so stick around and give them your love!
I love you all, friends. Keep being amazing and embrace your awkwardness. Muah!
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