So, I have a weird relationship for a lot of reasons, but one of the oddest things is that I, a woman with an English degree, am dating man who refuses to use the English language correctly. It’s not that he doesn’t know how to. He does. I’ve seen him do it. He literally rejects it on purpose when he’s having any form of a texting conversation. Jane has expressed her concerns about his being possibly… linguistically inept? I’m holding on to the notion that it’s all just for the sake of humor (and the delight that he takes in irritating me out of pure love….)

Here are some examples:

Me: Where did you buy my Christmas present?

Dragon: At dah mahl.

***

Me: Hey, can you feed Gio?

Dragon: Mabe’s

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This one might be one of my favorites:

Dragon: U heard the luminr:-) eervs (Translation: Have you heard of The Lumineers? – and yes, that is a freaking smiley face IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORD.)

Me: Yeah, I love them. Why?  (This is how much I’m used to his “language.” I didn’t even have to pause to wonder what the hell he was trying to say.)

Dragon: They ight.

***

Dragon: Hey I don’t wurk nite

Me: Tonight?

Me: P.S. I’m going to stop texting you back if you don’t start texting me in legitimate English. …And I mean that with all the love in my heart.

Dragon: Yrs

***

Dragon: I found ur ring earing.

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Me: What are you doing?

Dragon: immacah samminch

Dragon: a samsquantch

Me: What kind of sandwich?

***

Dragon: baffab…fulloolluf….alphaahpla…opraarpo…kittennettik…  all palendromess

***

This is my life, people. What is happening?

 

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