So yesterday you all read about my first night out in Vegas. Yes, a man nearly peed on me, but that was nothing compared to the insanity of Night #2.
So, let’s dive in!
Okay, so first of all, we learned from the night before, and wore flats. This already meant that Saturday was going to be better than Friday.
So, that morning I got an email from my dad that said something along these lines:
Just talked to a friend of mine. Check out the attachment and enjoy the show!”
Attached were 4 complimentary VIP tickets to see ROD FREAKING STEWART. We were beyond excited!! If any of you have ever had the pleasure of seeing Rod Stewart live, you know what I’m talking about. So, already, we knew that our night was going to be absolutely awesome. Not only were we going out to a new club (remember George from the night before?), but we got to kick off our night with a rock star!!
Another thing that we learned that night was that alcohol is crazy expensive in the clubs. However, before we even headed to the strip, our generous host made us a round (or 2) of Cosmos. And then he and his amazing wife drove us to the strip, and when we got to Caesar’s Palace, where Rod was playing, we went and found some little bottles of champagne to drink beforehand. Okay, well we didn’t just find them. Jessica bought them. It wasn’t like we just saw them sitting around and we took them. That is dishonest, and also dangerous in such a crazy city.
The problem was that when Jessica returned with those bottles, only one of them was open (apparently the woman she bought it from did that for us), and they were not corked or twist-offs. We had no bottle opener. That’s when we started wandering the casino and bothering strangers.
Us: Excuse me, do you have a bottle opener?
Stranger: Oh… Um… You know, I usually do, but not in this city!
Me: I don’t understand why it seems unnecessary to have one here… There’s so much alcohol everywhere…
Finally, we found a group of 20-something guys to help us out.
Sara: Excuse me? Hi! Do you have a bottle opener?
Sara: Oh thank you!
At this point the guy pulled out his iPhone. Now, I’ve seen people who have phone cases with built-in bottle openers. My dad has one. This guy did not. He literally just used his iPhone to open our champagne bottle.
Me: Wow. Impressive. Do you want some?
Dude: No thanks.
Us: Okay, well thanks! Bye!
Dude and his friends: K, bye….
And then we ran off with our alcohol, because we had a rock show to get to.
So, yes, obviously Rod Stewart was amazing. Especially when he came out into the crowd and shook our hands.
THAT’S RIGHT! I SHOOK ROD FRACKING STEWART’S HAND!!!
So yeah, that was amazing.
After Rod Stewart, we went out and got Margaritas at Margaritaville before heading out to meet up with George at the club. In other words, we didn’t trust George. He had promised us free drinks at this club, but we had a feeling that this was not happening, since the promotor at the club the night before had let us down. We were not to be fooled twice. As you can imagine, we were feeling pretty good at this point in the night. While at this bar, we saw an awesome cover band who played amazing rock, and we also watched a very old man grinding with two gender-neutral women. It was confusing, but it’s also Vegas, so we shrugged and pretended like it was supposed to be happening.
By the time we started walking to the club, we were feeling awesome. And then we got there. Jessica’s name was on the list, so we got in right away. As we entered, they handed us our drink tickets. So, it turns out that George was an honest man after all.
We immediately loved this club way more than the one from the night before. For one thing, it was all one floor. For another, it had this:
It turns out that in order to get this picture, we had to get into one of those little VIP couch sections that you always see in clubs (or on TV, in my life, because Ohio doesn’t really have clubs), so we had to charm some nice guys into letting us use their spot for our picture. And then Jessica knocked over their vodka bottle. Thankfully it was empty, but of course this got us talking to the guys and we stuck around for a while. Turns out, I wasn’t the only nerd in Vegas. I ended up talking to some dude and explaining to him why his taste in video games was absolutely lame. And then he fell in love with me so I ran away, muttering stuff about my friends needing me and me needing to call my boyfriend.
So back to the dance floor we went. We had all come up with physical codes to communicate with one another, so that if anyone was in an uncomfortable situation on the dance floor, the others could come and help. For example, if a guy started dancing with any of us and we didn’t want that, we did T-Rex Arms. This accomplished 2 things: 1- It got the other girls to come and rescue you. 2 – It really weirded out the guy who was trying to dance with you, since he was suddenly trying to grope an awkward dinosaur. I found it to be very effective. (Affective? Effective? I never know which…)
So anyway, there was this one instance where I accidentally made eye contact with this very intense fellow. This was a mistake. He B-lined right for me and approached me from the side, where he started not only trying to dance with me, but he also kept his eyes glaringly open and pressed his forehead against my face. Before I could even think, my arms assumed the dinosaur position and I heard myself shouting “THIS IS NOT OKAY. YOU ARE VERY CLOSE TO MY FACE, SIR. PLEASE BACK AWAY NOW.” And he did. Mission accomplished.
We then got asked by some guy if we would come dance with him and his friends for someone’s birthday party. It turned out it was actually a bachelor party, and no, we were not those kinds of dancers. I did, however, find out that one of these lovely gentleman works for WordPress.
Holy balls, people. I marketed my ass off, and lost my voice in the process. I was drunk enough at the time, that my confidence was soaring through the roof. I remember saying things to him like “Excuse me. You don’t understand. I’m effing hilarious.” Which he assured me that he was beginning to realize. When I accused him of lying to me about his job, he whipped out his phone and googled himself. Turns out, this dude was a pretty big deal in the blog world.
And then I accused him of stealing my watch.
Okay, it wasn’t my watch. It was his friend’s watch that I almost stole and really wanted, so I attempted to convince him that his was actually mine, which he knew better at this point than to believe. I even called him by his full name, which we’ll say is Daniel.
Me: Daniel. That is my watch.
Daniel: First of all, only mother calls me Daniel, and even then, it’s only when I’m in trouble.
Me: You are in trouble. Give me that watch.
Daniel: Look, I’ll help you out with your blog, but this watch is not yours!
Me: … Fine. Deal. But it is a really cool watch…
Daniel: I know, that’s why I’m making sure you don’t steal it!
Me: Oh, come on! I’m not actually going to steal your friend’s watch. I’m too good of a person to steal anything. Plus, I need you to think I’m awesome.
The conversation went something like that, and I’m actually pretty confident that I succeeded. So, “Daniel”, you best be hooking me up soon, because my voice was still a little husky yesterday after how much I talked business with you in the middle of a Vegas Nightclub, and while that husk is sort of sexy, I miss my more feminine charm…
And those, ladies and gentleman, were just some of the highlights of my trip to Vegas. A lot of other insane stuff happened, too, but that’s the stuff that I won’t be able to tell until I’m old. Maybe. Hey, what happens in Vegas…
Oh, and a serious thank you needs to be said to our hosts for that weekend. They were far too generous to us, and I can’t thank them enough, so I’m going to do it on the internet, as well. Just to cover my bases.