My dog is kind of great at taking selfies.

Okay, so if you follow me on Instagram, you know that I have a weirdly photogenic dog. I don’t know how he does it, but he freaking knows that when the phone is pointed at him, it’s time to look fabulous. But the weirder part is that he kicks ass in the selfie department. Seriously, everyone, he has figured out the best angle and lighting for his face like no millenial ever could.

Screen Shot 2014-10-28 at 7.16.37 AM

“Road trip! Yaaaay!”

Girl, you are way to excited about this snow. I can't even.

“Girl, you are way to excited about this snow. I can’t even.”

"No, no, you just have to open your mouth a little bit and smile and it will look like a candid laughter pic. Like this!"

“No, no, you just have to open your mouth a little bit and smile and it will look like a candid laughter pic. Like this!”

And it’s not just me, you guys. He does it for John Hamm on her birthday, too:

gioleah

So fresh. So pro.

In other news…

There was a new Page Break episode, in which Cole and I suggest some pretty great Halloween reads.

Also: WE CAN NOW GO TO LONDON AND STAY IN A HARRY POTTER HOTEL AND OH MY GOSH I MUST GO NOW.

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How to Do Online Dating the Wrong Way.

So today I’m on HelloGiggles.com with a piece about how NOT to do Online Dating:

“Before I started online dating, I was really losing hope that I would ever find someone. As a 23 year old, it was ridiculous to feel that way, but I’d just gotten out of a relationship with a guy who I thought was The One and heartache makes you crazy. Shortly thereafter, but for unrelated reasons, I moved three states away to a small town where the median age is over twice my own. A friend of mine suggested I turn to the Internet. “Why not?” He said, “Everything’s online now; it only makes sense that our generation would do dating that way, too, right?”

He made a fair point.

So, I signed up. That white rabbit ran by, I followed, and boy did I fall down a long, strange and confusing hole…”

Read the full article here!!

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Three-Year-Olds are basically geniuses. I think that’s the point here.

Hello, duckies!

Sorry I disappeared last week. Sometimes it’s nice to just take a vacation from the internet once in a while, you know?

 

Anyway, today is my nephew’s third birthday and when I asked him what he wanted to do, this is the response I got:

Nephew: I want to eat pizza and cake!

Me: Good. Your priorities are so in the right place, buddy. I like the way you think.

Nephew: Yeah! Pizza and cake with Mormor and Morfar!*

Me: Oh man… Now we’re talkin’! Mormor and Morfar? Pizza and cake? This sounds like the perfect celebration! What are you going to have on your pizza?

Nephew: ……. Cake!!

Me: ……. You’re a friggin’ genius, dude.

*Grandparents

Also, thank you so much to those of you who watched and gave feedback on the latest Page Break video. There’s a new episode up and you can check it out here!

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Book lovers!! You’re Needed!!!

So some of you know that in addition to this blog, I aim to entertain people on the internet via YouTube, but in a wildly different way.

No, it’s not porn.

It’s books.

But Cole and I are looking at sort of revamping our show a little bit and we’re looking for some serious feedback, so if any of you are book lovers (which I know so many of you are) we’d really, really, really appreciate hearing from you!

K thanks! I’ll be back to doing real posts about how weird my life is on Monday!

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Because when I get murdered, it will be adorable.

So I went out to Providence, RI yesterday for a conference and on the 2.5 hour drive back something weird happened. So, I obviously texted people about it as soon as I got home. One of those people was a friend of mine who has decided to call himself “The Professor” on this blog.

Me: I made it home. Almost got murdered, but I’m good.

The Professor: Oh gosh. You okay?

Me: Yeah. Someone was tailing me on the highway, and then they got off the highway when I did and kept tailing me, so I felt like they were maybe following me, right? And THEN I remembered this one movie I saw about some murderers who legit just picked a random car that they were driving behind and decided to follow that guy home and murder him. You know, for kicks. So I was all “This is it. This is how I die.” But then I pulled into my driveway and they kept going.

The Professor: Yeah, that is spooky… Maybe they were just marking your house…for later.

Me: Oh gosh. They’re so coming back…

The Professor: Yep. Make sure Gio is on alert.

Me: Ugh… so murder avoided… for now.

The Professor: Lol. I’m sure you’re okay. Stars Hollow is essentially crimeless.

Me: You can’t make assumptions like that, Professor. You’ve never even been here. Don’t act like you know us. We caYou're kind of cute in that  -she's (1)n murder if we want to.

The Professor: Ok fine. You are going to get murdered. Get a baseball bat. Or pepper spray. Or a gun. I was raised by republicans, I can help you with that.

Me: No thanks. I’ve decided that if someone ever really breaks into my house to murder me, I’ll just talk to them and accept my fate, whatever it may be.

The Professor: That’s very kind of you.

Me: I’ll be like “Dude, let me make you some coffee and let’s just chat this out.” … Or Gio will kill them.

The Professor: That’s kind of cute in a terrible “she’s going to die being so friendly” sort of way.

Me: That’s how I always thought I’d go…

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It’s National Coffee Day! Yaaaaaay!

Happy National Coffee Day, everyone!! 

If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you know that I have a love for coffee that surpasses most other healthy loves, which is TOTALLY A FINE THING.

http://becomingadorrable.com/2014/04/09/11-things-we-learned-from-gilmore-girls/

Coffee makes me happy. Coffee is what makes me the delightful person that everyone in my Stars Hollow has come to know and love. Without coffee, I’d be… oh god… let’s not go there.

https://www.tumblr.com/search/c:%20lorelai

Every morning, I wake up and drink about four cups of this delicious nectar before I put the rest into my TARDIS travel mug and head to work. When that’s gone I head next-door to my equivalent of Luke’s and get myself a refill. If I’m staying there for lunch, I usually get two. That can usually last me until the end of the day, but if I’m feeling silly, I’ll get myself one more just for the heck of it. They love me over there. I refuse to actually add up my receipts every month. I don’t want to know.

I know, I know, many of you are thinking that I have some sort of a “problem” or “addiction”, but really I think that you’re all just sad because I found the key to happiness and it smells delicious.

So, I invite you all to take a moment and really enjoy that brewed cup of holy water and remember how appropriate it is that this holiday is happening only two days before Gilmore Girls comes to Netflix for us all to enjoy. And yes, trust me, I will be brewing an entire pot of coffee while I marathon through that show on Wednesday. It’s likely that I’ll be live tweeting it, too, so… get ready for that.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/nico-lang/2013/08/69-fabulous-lorelai-gilmore-quotes-that-show-why-shes-the-greatest/

Enjoy your coffee, everyone, because today is a glorious, glorious day.

(Images: via, via, via, via)

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Will I Be Jailed for This?

A conversation I had last night with a friend we’ll call “Sara”, who lives in San Francisco:

Me: I’m lonely and hungry. This is terrible.

Sara: Oh nooooo. That’s the worst. Go out to a bar!

Me: …it’s 11:30 on a Wednesday in Stars Hollow.

Sara: Well… not tonight then. Unless you want to get murdered.

Me: Not the ideal alternative… or the plausible one. Again: Stars Hollow.

Me: Peanut butter!

Sara: No Nutella?

Me: I don’t do that shit. It scares me and I don’t like the voices I hear in my head when I see it.

Sara: …what?

Me: To be honest, I’ve never actually had it, but I feel like it’s the Pumpkin Spiced Latte of spreads.

Sara: LMAO – yes.

Me: I’d need UGG boots and a sorority sweatshirt when I eat it and I own none of those things.

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All the pumpkin.

Okay, first of all, this:

Okay, now that that’s out of the way…

Real post coming soon!

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COPPER BOOM!

GUYS. GUYS. GUYS.

The best show ever/my television biography (minus the teen pregnancy) is finally coming to Netflix. You have no idea how happy this makes me.

Click here to read the full article!

Along with Doctor Who, Harry Potter, and books, I have an unhealthy obsession with Gilmore Girls. The fact that I actually live in the town that inspired the setting for Stars Hollow was actually a freaky accident that can only be interpreted as Destiny. Did I get pregnant at 16? No. Do I have an unusual addiction to coffee, speak quickly, make strange references to TV shows that only certain people understand and can’t get my romantic life figured out for love or money? Yes.

So why am I so excited about this? Why does it matter that the show that I already watch almost every single day is coming to Netflix? Because I got rid of my TV and no longer have a DVD player. This means that even though I own the show on DVD, I cannot watch it, which means that I’ve been having to illegally stream it whenever I need my fix, and that is something that I absolutely hate to do because I think good television is worth paying for.

So yes, this is very exciting news because now I can get back to my moral standards of entertainment and stop feeling guilty. Plus, the rest of the world can officially enjoy the glory that is Gilmore Girls.

***

In other news, here’s the latest Page Break video. Cole goes on a pretty spectacular rant about this book and there are some major spoilers, so if that’s not cool with you, skip it and go watch other episodes!

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Giant Wild Ninja Turkeys, Everyone. Giant. Wild. Ninja Turkeys.

Okay, so disclaimer: I do not have the reflexes of a lightning fast cheetah, so I did not capture this moment on camera. You’re just going to have to trust me that it actually happened.

I live on the second floor of an old farmhouse and my couch is positioned next to a window outside of which is the first floor rooftop, which is slanted and made of tin. This is important information.

So, I was just calmly sitting on my couch, crocheting while watching Gilmore Girls. You know, the usual.

Everything was great. The sun was still out, but it was a rainy afternoon, so my couch was, like, the best place to be ever. I even opened the window next to me so that I could enjoy the sound of the rain hitting the tin roof while I sipped my coffee and watched my fictional biography play out before me. To say it was perfection is kind of an understatement.

Oh rainy afternoon, how I love thee…

So I’m in my zone, right? I’m all “Le sigh… life is beautiful…. Gilmore Girls is the best and these fingerless gloves are going to be so cozy this fall!” and then

BAM. TURKEY.

Hm? What? That didn’t make sense? Allow me to elaborate: I was sitting on my couch, enjoying a calm and relaxing Sunday afternoon when a WILD TURKEY LANDED ON THE ROOF RIGHT OUTSIDE OF MY WINDOW.

It was kind of like this , but replace Emily Gilmore with a giant wild turkey.

So there we were, Reginald (that’s what I named him, of course) and I, he on on my roof and me on my couch. We shared a brief glance with one another before he just flopped off the tin roof because HELLO, IT’S A SLANTED, WET TIN ROOF, REGINALD, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? and then he gobbled away.

Even weirder is that for the next few minutes, I could hear him gobbling, but I couldn’t see him anywhere…. which leads me to believe that I’m dealing with some fucking ninja turkeys, you guys, and that’s terrifying.

Remember when I lived in Ohio and my biggest issues with nature involved bunnies eating my vegetable garden? Yeah…

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