Another flattering moment with my mother.

The other night, I was just sitting at home, feeling good about myself, drinking tea, and reading a book. It was perfect.

I felt my phone buzz and looked down to see that my mother had texted me:

Mom: I have a very important and honorable assignment for you.

Me: Okay…

Mom: It doesn’t look like your brother will be coming home for Christmas. Would you please be Santa for the kids?

Me: None of the guys want to play Santa? (It is important to note here that I have two brothers-in-law and a father who will all be home for Christmas)

Mom: I haven’t asked anyone else. I just think that you’d be the best to step in :)

Me: You think I’m the best choice to play an old man?

Mom: Well, don’t say it like that!

Me: Oh, I’m sorry. Gee, Mom. Stop. I’m blushing. This flattery is too much.

Mom: We are sooooo happy that you’re coming home.

Me: …..

Mom: And you’re the best actress in the family.

Me: Are you trying to butter me up?

Mom: Is it working?

Me: No.

So… I’m super excited about this Christmas, you guys. I’m gonna be the best Santa ever.

 

***

In other news, there’s a new Page Break episode. Cole and I came up with our Top 14 Books of 2014! Check it out!

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Everything could be terrible. I wouldn’t know.

My family has a weird way of dealing with crises on various levels. Correction: My parents have a weird way of dealing with crises on various levels. My siblings seem to do just fine with this sort of stuff. Allow me to explain.

Example #1: 

A text I received from my father at 4:30AM on Thanksgiving morning: IMG_2635

This was something that could not wait until the normal hours of the morning. No. I needed to be woken up from my deep pre-thanksgiving slumber for CHAIRS. This type of emergency is not something you fuck around with and wait to alert someone about. Chairs are very important. Middle-of-the-night important.

This brings me to Example #2:

A phone call I received from my father about a week after Thanksgiving around 8:30 in the evening:

A quick note, my father has a very thick and sort of angry sounding Swedish accent, so when you read his part, try and imagine that in your head. 

Me: Hello?

strange pause followed by loud crowd noises in the background

Me: Hello?

Dad: Hello?

Me: Dad?

Dad: Are you there? I can barely hear you!

Me: I think that might be because of wherever you are. Where are you?

Dad: I’m out!

Me: Oh, sure.

Dad: How are you?

Me: Fine… you?

Dad: I’m good. So listen, I’m calling because I need to talk to you about something, but before I tell you, you need to know that everything is fine and that you don’t need to worry, so don’t freak out, okay?

Me: That’s a terrible way to keep someone calm.

Dad: Your mom is in the emergency room and she’s been there for about four days, okay?

Me: WHAT?

Dad: EVERYTHING IS FINE.

Me: What happened?

Dad: Well, last week when we were still in New York, we were walking around and having a nice time and then Mom got really dizzy all of sudden and almost passed out… So then we came back to Ohio –

Me: -You traveled? 

Dad: Let me finish! We came back to Ohio and she still didn’t feel good, so I took her to the hospital and it turns out she had some scar tissue in a vein and it was causing a blockage, blah blah blah, but everything is fine and she’s okay, okay?

Me: Um… okay?

Dad: And we didn’t tell you guys because we didn’t want you to worry because everything is okay.

Me: Yes, but everything was not okay four days ago…

Dad: I know! That’s why we didn’t tell you until just now.

Me: But what if everything wasn’t going to be okay? How long would you have waited to tell me? What if things were really bad and then you just kept waiting to tell me if or when everything was okay? This seems like a terrible system.

Dad: Emelie, EVERYTHING IS FINE.

Me: I know, but –

Dad: – Don’t worry about it. There’s something else I need to talk to you about.

Me: Oh God, what now? Is the dog okay? Are you okay?!?

Dad: There’s a book that I want you to look into getting for me.

Me: …oh, sure.

 

So everything really is okay. I talked to my mom, who found this entire story to be incredibly amusing, and apparently she just needs to take aspirin every day or something and that solves all her problems? I don’t really know, but I’ve been assured that everything is okay and I am not to freak out, although now I know I can’t trust my parents, which I told them over and over again after this whole debacle concluded. They think that’s just adorable.

 

In other news, my giveaway ends in just four days, so you should get on that, because you deserve a free shirt.

 

Also, new Page Break episodes. Go check those out.

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Get ready. This is a Nerd Style Giveaway.

So, it’s no secret that I’m a bit of a nerd. My staircase is decorated like a game of Space Invaders and I have Undesirable #1 Wanted posters from Harry Potter hanging up in my living room. My books are stacked everywhere and my TARDIS blanket keeps me warm during my Netflix marathons.

And I wear this nerdiness with extreme pride. I don’t leave it at home for people to discover, should they ever come over. In fact, I take it to the work place. I usually walk around with my TARDIS to-go coffee mug and sporting my Gryffindor scarf in the cold weather. (When I was a kid, I wore The One Ring on a chain around my neck because I obviously was just passing through class on my way to Mordor.) All the while, though, I try and keep my nerdiness trendy and stylish so that if you didn’t know what the reference was, it wouldn’t be distracting or take away from the professionalism that I also need to maintain in the workplace.

This is why I was really excited when I was approached by JordanDene to do a review and giveaway. This shop creates some of the most gorgeous items to wear that will keep you feeling both stylish and like a true fan throughout your day. They’re shirts that you can dress up or down. For example, this is how I wore my Harry Potter shirt to work the other day:

IMG_2549

IMG_2550

 

This shirt is absolutely amazing. The fabric is so soft, and yes, I’ve washed it a few times now, and it has maintained its shape and feel. I love how it fits because it doesn’t make me feel like I’m showcasing my body, but it also doesn’t make me feel like I’m hiding anything either, which is the perfect balance, in my humble opinion. Even my super trendy, never nerdy sister approved of this outfit and she basically looks like she’s always walking out of a Calvin Klein ad, so… woohoo!

Anyway, enough of my yammering because here is where the fun begins! I GET TO GIVE ONE OF YOU LUCKY FOLKS A FREE SHIRT OF YOUR CHOOSING FROM THE JORDANDENE STORE! (See, this is why it’s important that you stick with me).

Normally when I see these giveaways, the giver is asking for you to follow them on every single social media platform in existence. I’m not going to do that because I believe that if you’re following me, it’s because you want to be, and not because I teased you with free merch.

SO, instead of that, I’m going to ask you to have some fun with this. Send me a photo that shows how you let your Nerd flag fly in the workplace. You can do this using any ONE of your preferred social media platforms (ONLY ONE ENTRY PER PERSON). Just tag me (links to my profiles are at the top of the right sidebar) and use the hashtag #NerdyWorkPlace and I’ll pick my favorite to WIN A FREE SHIRT FROM JORDANDENE. If you enter at all, you will get a discount code to use at the Jordan Dene shop, too, so there’s really no downside to this.

This is especially fantastic if you have to do any holiday shopping for your friends who are also nerds. Just saying.

This contest ends at 11:59PM EST on December 15th, 2014.

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My friends think quite highly of me. Obviously.

A conversation I just had with a friend who we will call “Turtles McGee”:

Me: Is it weird if I go see Rosewater by myself?

Turtles McGee: I think that’d be pretty cool.

Me: Except my theater isn’t playing it. :(

Turtles McGee: Well…it’d be weird to sit in the movie theatre alone pretending you’re watching Rosewater.

Me: Um… that would be awesome. Let’s be real. You know you would want to know more about that person.

Turtles McGee: I’d want to know what they thought of Rosewater…. and yeah, I’d probably get a cup of coffee with them.

Me: I’m just picturing myself sitting in an empty theater, staring at the blank screen for 2 hours and going through a wide range of emotions while eating popcorn.

Turtles McGee: That…actually sounds pretty standard for you.

***

In other news… there’s a new Page Break episode. Watch it here:

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NaNoWriMo Begins!

I’ve attempted NaNoWriMo in the past and failed. Maybe failed is the harsh term, but either way, I’ve never actually completed a novel. I’ve been working on the same book for the past few years on and off and I’m so ready to complete it. I don’t want to be done with it in the sense that I want to wash my hands of it or anything, but I’m sick of listening to myself make excuses, so I’ve decided to do NaNoWriMo a little differently this year.

Instead of taking the 30 days to write a 50,000-word novel from start to finish, I’m going to start at word 17, 787 and go from there. I’m going to use NaNoWriMo to freaking finish my novel. It’s time to take all those notes and scraps of paper and post-its and actually apply them here and get this shit done.

It’s going to be tough. I know that. I’m not one of those writers who just bleeds words and PRESTO!: There’s a novel.

No.

I’m one of those writers who whines and cries and bangs her head against the desk and constantly texts her friends saying “I can’t do this.”

That’s the kind of writer I am.

But dammit, sometimes I even text myself back and say “YES YOU CAN! YOU’VE GOT THIS!” and then sad-me responds with “STOP TOYING WITH MY EMOTIONS AND JUST LET THIS DREAM DIE!!” and then the cool-me says “NO! KEEP GOING!” and it goes on like that for a while.

What’s my point again? Oh yeah, I’m determined to finish my novel this month and I’m using NaNoWriMo (albeit in an unconventional way, but still) to do it and I hope you’re all okay with that.

And if you aren’t, well then I’ll enjoy being a rebel in your eyes.

Are you doing NaNoWriMo? If so, leave a comment below with your NaNo name and I’ll buddy you!

Happy writing, all!

***

In other news, here’s the new Page Break episode, in which Cole does a book review of the new Garth Nix novel (yay!!) Clariel:

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My dog is kind of great at taking selfies.

Okay, so if you follow me on Instagram, you know that I have a weirdly photogenic dog. I don’t know how he does it, but he freaking knows that when the phone is pointed at him, it’s time to look fabulous. But the weirder part is that he kicks ass in the selfie department. Seriously, everyone, he has figured out the best angle and lighting for his face like no millenial ever could.

Screen Shot 2014-10-28 at 7.16.37 AM

“Road trip! Yaaaay!”

Girl, you are way to excited about this snow. I can't even.

“Girl, you are way to excited about this snow. I can’t even.”

"No, no, you just have to open your mouth a little bit and smile and it will look like a candid laughter pic. Like this!"

“No, no, you just have to open your mouth a little bit and smile and it will look like a candid laughter pic. Like this!”

And it’s not just me, you guys. He does it for John Hamm on her birthday, too:

gioleah

So fresh. So pro.

In other news…

There was a new Page Break episode, in which Cole and I suggest some pretty great Halloween reads.

Also: WE CAN NOW GO TO LONDON AND STAY IN A HARRY POTTER HOTEL AND OH MY GOSH I MUST GO NOW.

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How to Do Online Dating the Wrong Way.

So today I’m on HelloGiggles.com with a piece about how NOT to do Online Dating:

“Before I started online dating, I was really losing hope that I would ever find someone. As a 23 year old, it was ridiculous to feel that way, but I’d just gotten out of a relationship with a guy who I thought was The One and heartache makes you crazy. Shortly thereafter, but for unrelated reasons, I moved three states away to a small town where the median age is over twice my own. A friend of mine suggested I turn to the Internet. “Why not?” He said, “Everything’s online now; it only makes sense that our generation would do dating that way, too, right?”

He made a fair point.

So, I signed up. That white rabbit ran by, I followed, and boy did I fall down a long, strange and confusing hole…”

Read the full article here!!

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Three-Year-Olds are basically geniuses. I think that’s the point here.

Hello, duckies!

Sorry I disappeared last week. Sometimes it’s nice to just take a vacation from the internet once in a while, you know?

 

Anyway, today is my nephew’s third birthday and when I asked him what he wanted to do, this is the response I got:

Nephew: I want to eat pizza and cake!

Me: Good. Your priorities are so in the right place, buddy. I like the way you think.

Nephew: Yeah! Pizza and cake with Mormor and Morfar!*

Me: Oh man… Now we’re talkin’! Mormor and Morfar? Pizza and cake? This sounds like the perfect celebration! What are you going to have on your pizza?

Nephew: ……. Cake!!

Me: ……. You’re a friggin’ genius, dude.

*Grandparents

Also, thank you so much to those of you who watched and gave feedback on the latest Page Break video. There’s a new episode up and you can check it out here!

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Book lovers!! You’re Needed!!!

So some of you know that in addition to this blog, I aim to entertain people on the internet via YouTube, but in a wildly different way.

No, it’s not porn.

It’s books.

But Cole and I are looking at sort of revamping our show a little bit and we’re looking for some serious feedback, so if any of you are book lovers (which I know so many of you are) we’d really, really, really appreciate hearing from you!

K thanks! I’ll be back to doing real posts about how weird my life is on Monday!

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Because when I get murdered, it will be adorable.

So I went out to Providence, RI yesterday for a conference and on the 2.5 hour drive back something weird happened. So, I obviously texted people about it as soon as I got home. One of those people was a friend of mine who has decided to call himself “The Professor” on this blog.

Me: I made it home. Almost got murdered, but I’m good.

The Professor: Oh gosh. You okay?

Me: Yeah. Someone was tailing me on the highway, and then they got off the highway when I did and kept tailing me, so I felt like they were maybe following me, right? And THEN I remembered this one movie I saw about some murderers who legit just picked a random car that they were driving behind and decided to follow that guy home and murder him. You know, for kicks. So I was all “This is it. This is how I die.” But then I pulled into my driveway and they kept going.

The Professor: Yeah, that is spooky… Maybe they were just marking your house…for later.

Me: Oh gosh. They’re so coming back…

The Professor: Yep. Make sure Gio is on alert.

Me: Ugh… so murder avoided… for now.

The Professor: Lol. I’m sure you’re okay. Stars Hollow is essentially crimeless.

Me: You can’t make assumptions like that, Professor. You’ve never even been here. Don’t act like you know us. We caYou're kind of cute in that  -she's (1)n murder if we want to.

The Professor: Ok fine. You are going to get murdered. Get a baseball bat. Or pepper spray. Or a gun. I was raised by republicans, I can help you with that.

Me: No thanks. I’ve decided that if someone ever really breaks into my house to murder me, I’ll just talk to them and accept my fate, whatever it may be.

The Professor: That’s very kind of you.

Me: I’ll be like “Dude, let me make you some coffee and let’s just chat this out.” … Or Gio will kill them.

The Professor: That’s kind of cute in a terrible “she’s going to die being so friendly” sort of way.

Me: That’s how I always thought I’d go…

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