Some curtains and a tv.

For me, writing is a lot of sitting around not knowing what to write about. Occasionally I come home from work and know that I need to sit down and write some things, but for some reason whenever I set aside time to write, my mind goes blank when the moment arises. I stare aimlessly at my screen and realize that the worst has happened: I have nothing to say.

Okay, sure, for some of you reading this you’re probably thinking “Finally,” but for me, the writer, it’s not the greatest. In fact, for me, it’s one of the most frustrating things I can go through.

Because normally my brain is very busy and full of activity.

And then on the days that I say “TODAY I SHALL WRITE MANY WORDS,” my brain just goes… blank.

 

via GIPHY

What if I never think of something to write again? I’ll say to myself. What if this is it? 

And, of course, I know deep down that’s most likely not the case, but then I spiral down into the blank pit of writer’s block. The giant hole of nothingness.

So I’ll read a book about writing to try and get my brain going. But today, for example, the passage I read was all about how you need to focus in on the small moments in life. It’s in the small things that the lessons hide and are learned.

So I look for small things. I stare around the room for a while and try and focus on objects that might conjure up some fantastic story.

I have curtains, I think. So… those are things. I have a giant tv that I wish wasn’t so giant. That’s also a thing, I guess.  

Turns out that my curtains and my giant tv don’t really have much to say about my life. The curtains came from IKEA and the tv, well it’s a tv.

And I know that the writer of this book didn’t actually mean to find small “things,” but instead was referring to small moments that illustrate the effects of a bigger life lesson, and I know that those small moments exist in my life, but whenever I sit down to write, they vanish.

All I have is some curtains and a tv.

This will pass. I take comfort in knowing that all writers go through this. Surely even J.K. Rowling has her off days. Heck, how long have we been waiting for the next Game of Thrones book?

The important thing is the not giving up. The perseverance to put words down anyway, even if it means writing about not being able to write about anything. After all, if I can get these words out of me, then maybe some good ones are waiting just around the corner in my brain.


This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks (like exclusive vlogs or messages from my dog), please click here.

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Just keep loving.

The news this weekend was difficult. I had a particularly hard time finding my sense of optimism on Saturday, but then I saw this tweet from The Bloggess, a woman who almost never fails to make me smile, and I felt the light in my heart get a bit brighter:

 

And she’s right. It seems that the jerks are the loudest in the room right now. But I want the change that. So, taking more notes from the fabulous Bloggess, I’m going to make a point today and for as long as I can to be Furiously Happy. To be Deafeningly Loving. To be Overwhelmingly Optimistic.

Because I refuse to let hate win. In fact, I refuse to let it think it even has a fighting chance.

Because just wait until you see what Love can do.


In other news, here is yesterday’s #SundaySupdate video! The video got really laggy at some points and I’m not sure why, but the audio seemed to be doing just fine for the whole thing, so… hopefully all issues will be cleared next week. Enjoy!

 


This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks (like exclusive vlogs or messages from my dog), please click here.

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Just… keep me out of the kitchen.

So last night, The Mr and I were discussing our plan of attack for the evening. The dogs needed to go out, our thank you cards needed to be written from the wedding, dinner needed to be made and dishes needed to be done.

The first step was easy: Take the dogs out. Done.

Then things got complicated. Neither one of us wanted to tackle the thank you cards alone and we were both hungry, but also… dishes.

So The Mr gave me two options: I could do dishes while he cooked or he could do dishes while I cooked.

We all know that I’m not a good cook at this point, but I really hate doing dishes, and The Mr really hates watching me do the dishes because he has “a system” for things and I prefer to function with… an air of spontaneity, simply just grabbing whatever dishes are closest and washing them, not at all thinking about what to wash first so that it can be used sooner or how to maximize the amount of space there is on the drying rack. Apparently this is irritating. I think it shows that I can handle whatever comes my way, but this isn’t the point of the story.

I grabbed the recipe and set to work on making two personal quiches with a side salad.

Now, it should be noted that nothing actually went wrong during the cooking process, which I think is something that deserves attention. I did not cut myself with the knife (and I had to chop and dice many things!), the fire alarm never went off, I didn’t add sugar instead of salt or anything! It was going just fine.

So remember that.

It wasn’t until the quiches were out of the oven that things went downhill. Literally.

When they came out of the oven, they were obviously very hot, which I knew and yes I used oven mitts to take them out of the oven and set them on the counter to cool, so STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS. I’m usually very good about using my oven mitts because, as some of you may have noticed during Sunday Supdates, my oven mitts look like bear paws and they’re amazing. PLUS, I can say that I took stuff out of the oven with my bear hands and it’s hilarious while also making me sound like a badass.

So I using my bear hands, I removed the quiches from the oven and placed them on the counter and started making the salad, assuming they would be cold enough to handle by the time I was done.

They were not.

And here is where my logic falls apart. You see, I’m usually really good about using my oven mitts, but I was really hungry by this point and I just needed to transfer the quiches to their plates, which weren’t that far away, so I was like “Instead of putting on my big, clunky bear hands again, I’ll just slide them over with a spatula. I am so smart.”

I am not smart, you guys. That quiche went down. Not only did it fall, but it, of course, landed upside-down and just splattered all over the floor, at which point I yelled “NOOOOOOOOOO” with great defiance at the universe.

The Mr: Why wouldn’t you use a pot holder??

Me: Because I had the spatula!

The Mr: Yeah, but that spatula is way too small for the — WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

What I was doing, good sir, is proving that I could do this. Yeah. I went for it with the second quiche, because I “never learn” according to some people, but you know what, dear readers? That second quiche successfully made it to its intended plate. Because I WILL NOT BE BEATEN BY A SPATULA.

Wait. That sounded weird, right? Obviously I was being figurative here – actually, no, now that I’m thinking about it, I’m being literal here too. I do not want to be beaten by anything.

We’ve reached a strange space in my brain…

Anyway, I think we’ve all learned a very valuable lesson here and that lesson is that perseverance is key. And also that maybe I should really just let The Mr handle all kitchen things from now on? But then what would happen to Sunday Supdates?


Hey! Speaking of Sunday Supdates… This Sunday is episode 2 of Sunday Supdates, but it’s only for those who sponsor me on Patreon, so if you want to participate in a fun, live Q&A with me while I cook dinner (which based on the above story, will be very entertaining), head over to the Patreon page now and sign yourself up! You can do this for as little as a dollar and in doing so, you help me continue making this stuff without needing to get advertisers or do paid content. Essentially, you help me create the things that you like that I create – and you get to chat with me, too! There’s all sorts of fun perks involved, so what are you waiting for? Join me and all of the Awkward Ambassadors!

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I went to the gym and YES I AM OKAY.

Okay so last week I posted this on Instagram:

 

Dear God, what has happened to me? #IHaveNoIdeaWhatImDoing #gym #workout

A post shared by Emelie Samuelson (@awkwardlyaliveblog) on

And I’m not going to lie, a number of concerned comments was… telling.

Everyone was all “WHY? ARE YOU OKAY? HAVE YOU BEEN BODY-SNATCHED? WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHO ARE YOU?”

Which, okay, fair enough, I’m not exactly the type of person who “works out” or is “physically fit,” so maybe these comments were justified, but the sheer number of them was, like, breath-taking! Or maybe that was the cardio? I’m not sure.

Either way, The Mr and I have willingly joined a gym and tonight I had my introductory body assessment and personal training session. I went in expecting to embarrass myself, and if you must know, I delivered.

The body assessment was interesting. I’m shorter than I thought I was, which either means I’m shrinking or I’ve been lied to. I also learned that my legs are jacked, but my arms are disturbingly weak. This was demonstrated when my trainer had me go from a plank position on my hands down to my forearms and then back up again. I imagine it was like watching a baby giraffe try and get up for the first time, but with less success.

Before we started working out, though, my trainer asked me a few questions:

Her: Okay, so I just want to have a quick chat before we get started. What is your experience with being in a gym?

Me: Basically zero. I was in marching band and I read a lot…. but I’m enthusiastic and totally not afraid to look like an idiot!

Her: Awesome! I can work with that! So, what are your goals here?

Me: To still be able to move when I’m 85, like Dick Van Dyke, but also I’d like to become a superhero, like Wonder Woman.

Her: ….Alright. Whatever it takes to keep you motivated, I guess.

Me: I suppose the Wonder Woman one is self-explanitory, but have you seen Dick Van Dyke lately? He can still do a good chunk of that physical comedy he is so well known for, and in an interview, someone was all “How do you still do it?” and he was all “I’ve just always worked out since I was in my twenties.” I admire that.

Her: That actually makes sense.

Me: Sorry. I’m a bit of a dork.

It was then that I remembered I was wearing a tank top that read “My name isn’t Luna, but I can Love Good,” so this statement was probably unnecessary.

In the end, I think she liked me, and I actually kind of know what I’m doing now. I learned that I’m good at squatting, but also that the way that I sometimes stand with my toes turned inward is bad for my hips, so… I can squat, but I can’t stand? I’m a positive person, though, so I chose to focus on the successful squatting, which led me to shout “I CAN SQUAT!” at The Mr when he and his trainer walked into the room. People stared at me. The Mr gave me a high five. He’s nice.

And I actually taught her something too! She had no idea that there were games on the rowing machine, which there totally are. You can chase fish on the screen and everything. Honestly, what did she think that machine was for?

 


In other news, the very first episode of Sunday Supdates happened last night and it was AWESOME!!! I only set off the fire alarm once!

I mention in the video that all episodes after this will only be open to my Patreon supporters (and then broadcast afterward publicly), but I think I’m going to do a public episode one Sunday a month. Anyway, here is the first episode. Enjoy (and then go sign up to be an Awkward Ambassador on Patreon!)

 


This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks (like exclusive vlogs or messages from my dog), please click here.

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Will you come hang out with me on Sunday?

I am terrified.

I’ve decided to do a live Q&A on Sunday at 5pm EST via YouTube (I’ll tweet out a link and stuff that day) and I’m so scared that no one will show up. Will you come? Basically, here is the plan:

It’s a #SundaySupdate, and I only plan on it lasting an hour. I’ll answer almost any questions you ask (books, life, dogs, math problems that I can’t solve, questionable advice, etc) and in turn we’ll get to know each other better because I don’t just want this blog to be me shouting at you guys about my weird life. I want to build community, I want to start collaborating with you all.

And if you can’t make it on Sunday, but you still have questions, you can totally submit them ahead of time. Either post them as a comment here on the blog or send them to me on Twitter or Facebook or Instagram using the hashtag #SundaySupdate.

So please? Join me on Sunday? Don’t make me into that lame kid who throws a party and then ends up sitting around squirting spray cheese into her mouth while crying and watching Planet Earth by herself because no one showed up.

To entice you a little bit, the dogs will also be there and maybe just maybe you’ll get to witness the cuteness that is them playing together.

​​

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No episode, but still a #SundaySupdate

Hi!

So….. I tried filming the first episode of #SundaySupdates last night and let’s just say that things went TERRIBLY. A fire was almost started, I burned myself a whole lot, corn exploded, and hot oil went EVERYWHERE.

On top of that? The video stopped recording so there’s not even hilarious content to show you.

BUT I AM NOT GIVING UP. Instead I’m tweaking.

Next week I’m going to try again, but with a small change, possibly two:

  1. I’m making it a Q&A.
  2. I’m thinking of maybe making it a livestream?

This is where you come in! Leave a comment below if you think I should livestream it, and if you have a question, either post it as a comment here or send it to me on Twitter using the hashtag #SundaySupdate.

Oh, and to make up for it, here is a picture of our adorable new puppy just being the cutest: 

See you tomorrow, loves!

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Super cute and then SUPER NOT CUTE.

Okay, so first of all, if you follow me on any social media channel, you know that the cutest thing in the world happened and her name is Aloy (yes, like Horizon Zero Dawn) and JUST LOOK AT HER.

 

Yeah. I know. She’s just the best. She’s three months old and we adopted her on Monday night and so far things are going well. A lot of you have been asking how Gio is adjusting and he’s just being the best big brother. For example:

But, to be honest, I have other news to share, which I did not expect to be the case. I was all “Friday’s blog post is just going to be the cutest ever,” and then the least adorable thing that could have possibly happened, well, happened:

 

 

So…. that…. ugh, let me just start at the beginning.

Yesterday we discovered a snake skin in our living room.

A freaking snake skin was sitting between our air purifier and the wall, right near the radiator. You know, WHERE THERE SHOULD NEVER BE A SNAKE SKIN.

And this means that not only was there a snake in my living room at some point, but it was alive. And growing. Because, as I realized via googling “WHAT DO I DO WHEN I FIND A SNAKE SKIN IN MY LIVING ROOM,” the only reason a snake sheds its skin is that the skin is officially too small for the snake’s body.

There are about 19 different things about all of this that I find alarming.

The good news (if I have to pick some good news out of this?) is that we’re fairly confident that due to the scale pattern on the tail, this is the shed skin of a non-venomous snake… so I suppose that’s comforting. Then again, we’re not exactly experts and this little bit of information doesn’t get rid of the fact that a snake was sneaking through our living room in recent history.

The Mr. is being disturbingly calm about this whole situation, by the way. Like… he found the snake skin while I was at work, left it there, and then randomly that evening he just casually told me to go look behind the air purifier. Then he went back to whatever he was doing while I curled up into a ball of panic for the rest of the evening, just waiting to start hearing voices in the walls, telling me to “kill…. kill…”

Perhaps I should count my blessings, though, because I was just thinking to myself that nothing strange ever happens to me anymore.

Thanks, Universe. You always come through.


In other news, the very first (and only public) episode of Sunday Supdates is going up this weekend and I am so excited about it, so make sure you come back here Sunday night to watch! If you have no idea what I’m talking about, click here.


This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks (like exclusive vlogs or messages from my dog), please click here

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Really just an announcement, but it involves knives and fire, so…

So I had this brilliant idea the other day about a new perk for Patreon.

Right?!?! I pitched the idea to my brother who usually hates all of my ideas, but this one involves me making a fool of myself, so he really responded positively. He was all “I mean, watching you try and cook is terrifyingly entertaining anyway, but watching you try to cook while trying to tell a story about your week would be ridiculous.”

Me: I know. I could die. It’ll be great.

Brother: I’d pay to watch that.

And my brother has very high standards when it comes to entertainment, so I think this is just about the best endorsement I could have.

So the first episode is going up next weekend (July 30th) and that first episode will go up right here on the blog for everyone to watch, but after that, the episodes will be available exclusively for Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon.

Oh! And keep watching the blog this week, because there are things I can’t tell you about yet, but fun stuff is happening and I get to share it with you soon!!

Have a wonderful week, everyone.


This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks (like exclusive vlogs or messages from my dog), please click here

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Grocery Store Anxiety

My mom and I were on our way to get our nails done before my wedding and as we were driving along, we were listening to the radio. We weren’t talking much, but I didn’t particularly find it to be an uncomfortable silence. My mother, however, did not feel the same way.

Mom: For the love of God, say something.

Me: Um… sorry?

Mom: Why are you so quiet?

Me: I don’t know! We’re listening to music! I didn’t have anything to say!

Mom: You always have something to say.

Me: Not always.

Mom: Well, the silence is weird.

Me: Alright… what are you going to do after we get our nails done?

Mom: I need to go to the grocery store.

Me: Oh… do you want me to go with you?

Mom: No, I like going by myself.

Me: Oh, thank God. I hate grocery stores.

Mom: …what?

Me: I hate grocery stores. They give me anxiety.

Mom: How can a grocery store give you anxiety? It’s just a grocery store.

Me: I don’t know. I get overwhelmed. There are so many options.

Mom: Yeah, but just buy what you want. You don’t need to get everything.

Me: Well, yeah, but I don’t know what I want. Take bread for example, have you seen how many different types of bread there are? There’s whole grain, all grain, 7-grain, whole wheat – what is the difference between whole grain and whole wheat, by the way, and which seven grains are in the bread, are those the seven grains that I want? – and then there’s white bread, which I know isn’t the one I should get, and then there’s organic and all natural and so many different brands, you know? Oh man, and then I go to the produce aisle and I get so afraid of how to tell what’s ripe and what stage do you buy certain things, and why is always SO COLD? I hate going through those freezer aisles. It’s the worst —

Mom: –OH  MY GOD, STOP TALKING.

Me: YOU ASKED FOR THIS!

Mom: WELL I FORGOT WHO I WAS IN THE CAR WITH, OKAY?

Me: ….

Mom: …your brain is really terrifying, you know that?

Me: Thanks, Mom.

And then it started to rain, but because we were in my brother’s car, I couldn’t figure out how to turn on the windshield wipers, so I started talking to the steering wheel and then I realized that the windshield wipers were activated by a lever that operated much like a Bop-It, so I started imitating the Bop-It, but I don’t think my mom knows what a Bop-It is, so I can’t really say that I helped ease her mind about me.

Needless to say, I did not end up having to go to the grocery store, so I still say the day was a massive success.


This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks (like exclusive vlogs or messages from my dog), please click here

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What? It’s not Friday, but HEY I’M BACK!! With NEEEEEWWWWWSSSS

Hi! Hey! Hello!

I’ve returned from my honeymoon and I am now a wife! I have a husband! I’m a spouse! whaaaaaaat. Go check out the Instagram for photos and stuff.

I know. It’s crazy and ridiculous and we’re all concerned, but at the same time it’s wonderful and amazing and everyone is super happy, so it’s good stuff people, it’s good stuff.

Speaking of the fact that I’m married now, Fiancé can no longer be called Fiancé because he isn’t a Fiancé anymore, so I took to twitter and I asked for your help:

 

So it’s official. Fiancé is now “The Mr,” which I love and it sounds like he’s a Doctor Who villain’s cousin or something. I thought about going long-form and calling him “The Mister,” but that made me think of those misting fans that they place in amusement park lines to keep people refreshed and happy and cool, and while The Mr does keep me refreshed and happy and cool, it just seemed like a strange version of objectification.

Before I continue, I want to give a massive thank you to all of my guest posts!! Weren’t they amazing? THANK YOU all for keeping Awkwardly Alive, well… alive while I was away. You are wonderful. If you, dear readers, haven’t gone and checked out my guest posters’ work, please do so immediately. They are all amazing.

In other news, I’ve given a lot of thought to the blog and its future and I have fun news! First of all, I’m upping the frequency. I will now be posting twice a week (Mondays and Fridays), which I hope is a good thing. Second of all, if you support the blog on Patreon, your perks are about to get way better (I think?), but want your input: What perks would you prefer on Patreon? Right now, all the perks that are listed apply, plus I’m adding weekly vlog posts where I ramble at you on video exclusively for Patreon supporters, but if you have ideas that I’m not doing, I want to hear from you in the comments below. My goal is to build community and get to know each other better, and ultimately, I want to make you happy, so hit me with your suggestions!

Alright, I think that’s all I have for you right now, blog followers. I love you. Thanks for handling my rambles.


This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks from me, please click here

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