It’s National Coffee Day! Yaaaaaay!

Happy National Coffee Day, everyone!! 

If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you know that I have a love for coffee that surpasses most other healthy loves, which is TOTALLY A FINE THING.

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Coffee makes me happy. Coffee is what makes me the delightful person that everyone in my Stars Hollow has come to know and love. Without coffee, I’d be… oh god… let’s not go there.

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Every morning, I wake up and drink about four cups of this delicious nectar before I put the rest into my TARDIS travel mug and head to work. When that’s gone I head next-door to my equivalent of Luke’s and get myself a refill. If I’m staying there for lunch, I usually get two. That can usually last me until the end of the day, but if I’m feeling silly, I’ll get myself one more just for the heck of it. They love me over there. I refuse to actually add up my receipts every month. I don’t want to know.

I know, I know, many of you are thinking that I have some sort of a “problem” or “addiction”, but really I think that you’re all just sad because I found the key to happiness and it smells delicious.

So, I invite you all to take a moment and really enjoy that brewed cup of holy water and remember how appropriate it is that this holiday is happening only two days before Gilmore Girls comes to Netflix for us all to enjoy. And yes, trust me, I will be brewing an entire pot of coffee while I marathon through that show on Wednesday. It’s likely that I’ll be live tweeting it, too, so… get ready for that.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/nico-lang/2013/08/69-fabulous-lorelai-gilmore-quotes-that-show-why-shes-the-greatest/

Enjoy your coffee, everyone, because today is a glorious, glorious day.

(Images: via, via, via, via)

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Will I Be Jailed for This?

A conversation I had last night with a friend we’ll call “Sara”, who lives in San Francisco:

Me: I’m lonely and hungry. This is terrible.

Sara: Oh nooooo. That’s the worst. Go out to a bar!

Me: …it’s 11:30 on a Wednesday in Stars Hollow.

Sara: Well… not tonight then. Unless you want to get murdered.

Me: Not the ideal alternative… or the plausible one. Again: Stars Hollow.

Me: Peanut butter!

Sara: No Nutella?

Me: I don’t do that shit. It scares me and I don’t like the voices I hear in my head when I see it.

Sara: …what?

Me: To be honest, I’ve never actually had it, but I feel like it’s the Pumpkin Spiced Latte of spreads.

Sara: LMAO – yes.

Me: I’d need UGG boots and a sorority sweatshirt when I eat it and I own none of those things.

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All the pumpkin.

Okay, first of all, this:

Okay, now that that’s out of the way…

Real post coming soon!

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COPPER BOOM!

GUYS. GUYS. GUYS.

The best show ever/my television biography (minus the teen pregnancy) is finally coming to Netflix. You have no idea how happy this makes me.

Click here to read the full article!

Along with Doctor Who, Harry Potter, and books, I have an unhealthy obsession with Gilmore Girls. The fact that I actually live in the town that inspired the setting for Stars Hollow was actually a freaky accident that can only be interpreted as Destiny. Did I get pregnant at 16? No. Do I have an unusual addiction to coffee, speak quickly, make strange references to TV shows that only certain people understand and can’t get my romantic life figured out for love or money? Yes.

So why am I so excited about this? Why does it matter that the show that I already watch almost every single day is coming to Netflix? Because I got rid of my TV and no longer have a DVD player. This means that even though I own the show on DVD, I cannot watch it, which means that I’ve been having to illegally stream it whenever I need my fix, and that is something that I absolutely hate to do because I think good television is worth paying for.

So yes, this is very exciting news because now I can get back to my moral standards of entertainment and stop feeling guilty. Plus, the rest of the world can officially enjoy the glory that is Gilmore Girls.

***

In other news, here’s the latest Page Break video. Cole goes on a pretty spectacular rant about this book and there are some major spoilers, so if that’s not cool with you, skip it and go watch other episodes!

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Giant Wild Ninja Turkeys, Everyone. Giant. Wild. Ninja Turkeys.

Okay, so disclaimer: I do not have the reflexes of a lightning fast cheetah, so I did not capture this moment on camera. You’re just going to have to trust me that it actually happened.

I live on the second floor of an old farmhouse and my couch is positioned next to a window outside of which is the first floor rooftop, which is slanted and made of tin. This is important information.

So, I was just calmly sitting on my couch, crocheting while watching Gilmore Girls. You know, the usual.

Everything was great. The sun was still out, but it was a rainy afternoon, so my couch was, like, the best place to be ever. I even opened the window next to me so that I could enjoy the sound of the rain hitting the tin roof while I sipped my coffee and watched my fictional biography play out before me. To say it was perfection is kind of an understatement.

Oh rainy afternoon, how I love thee…

So I’m in my zone, right? I’m all “Le sigh… life is beautiful…. Gilmore Girls is the best and these fingerless gloves are going to be so cozy this fall!” and then

BAM. TURKEY.

Hm? What? That didn’t make sense? Allow me to elaborate: I was sitting on my couch, enjoying a calm and relaxing Sunday afternoon when a WILD TURKEY LANDED ON THE ROOF RIGHT OUTSIDE OF MY WINDOW.

It was kind of like this , but replace Emily Gilmore with a giant wild turkey.

So there we were, Reginald (that’s what I named him, of course) and I, he on on my roof and me on my couch. We shared a brief glance with one another before he just flopped off the tin roof because HELLO, IT’S A SLANTED, WET TIN ROOF, REGINALD, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? and then he gobbled away.

Even weirder is that for the next few minutes, I could hear him gobbling, but I couldn’t see him anywhere…. which leads me to believe that I’m dealing with some fucking ninja turkeys, you guys, and that’s terrifying.

Remember when I lived in Ohio and my biggest issues with nature involved bunnies eating my vegetable garden? Yeah…

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No. Please tell me this isn’t happening already.

A conversation I had with a customer yesterday:

Her: Emelie, are you married?

Me: No.

Her: Do you have anyone?

Me: …no.

Her: Oh… why?

Me: Why am I not married? Um… that’s a complica–

Her: –You’re just so tall and pretty and smart…

Me: Well… I guess I’ve just met a lot of really short, ugly, dumb people.

five minutes later…

Her: Maybe you should start going to that New Beginnings group at your church.

Me: …that’s a support group for divorced people…

Her: Oh… well… you never know.  I’m sure they’d let you in.

 

just turned 24. Isn’t it a little early to be having this conversation?

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So Many Things!

Oh my gosh, you guys, this week has been the crayest of crays.

…….please excuse me while I go and punch myself in the throat…..

Okay, but really, I’m overwhelmed by the awesomeness that has been occurring this week.

Thursday was my birthday and for the first time in two years, there is not a popular song to describe my age. (Side note: T-SWIFT, ARE YOU FEELING 24 YET??? BLINK-182…you guys are way past that now.) I don’t know what I’m supposed to think about that, but it seems like something I should acknowledge. So… points to anyone who writes me a song about being 24. More points to anyone who records it and sends it to me.

I had a great time celebrating my birthday (weirdly, though, not a single photo was taken, so now I’m thinking I might have dreamed it and just bought all these gifts for myself…) and I couldn’t have asked for a better way to grow up. My bestbian “John Hamm” and her boyfriend “Snape” drove out from Boston to celebrate with me and then we went out with all my Connecticut friends to dinner where I had the largest helping of Mac and Cheese ever. It was fabulous. We also had great conversation, but that’s whatever.

OH WAIT.

The fact that I was also featured on BOOK STORAGE ONLINE was pretty amazing. The post went live on my birthday, but don’t worry, it’s still ripe! So PLEASE go check that out and help me show them that I’m a writer worth keeping around!! Thanks!!

SO THEN…

Saturday came and I went out to NYC to celebrate my birthday with my family. This was probably the most fantastical thing ever. Let me explain:

I am the family nerd. None of them are into Doctor Who or Harry Potter… except for my sister-in-law who is one of the greatest people ever. The point is that even though it was my birthday celebration, I was not going to make my family watch the premiere of the new Doctor Who season. I’m not that selfish.

But oh my gosh, you guys, they surprised me AND TOOK ME TO A DOCTOR WHO THEMED BAR, YOU GUYS.

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The menu. I got The 10th Doctor. Obviously.

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This is what The 10th Doctor looks like. That’s also what my sister-in-law looks like. Both are fantastic.

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And then we ventured into the TARDIS…. which was actually the bathroom. I was okay with it.

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Inside said TARDIS bathroom. I did not blink.

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And then I partied with “Sexy” – the personified TARDIS. We may or may not have done a birthday shot together because she’s fantastic.

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And then I regenerated!!

 

So yeah. That was my birthday week. Now please excuse me while I go and binge-watch Doctor Who.

How are all of you?

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Emelie goes to the fair.

You might follow me on Instagram, in which case, this is going to be a little redundant, but I just needed to make sure I share these images with as many people as possible because WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

A little background: I went to a ginormous county fair with a friend of mine this past weekend. I didn’t capture all of the weirdness, but I did manage to get these gems:

 

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Sir, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your outfit is basically the definition of contradiction. Thank you for helping us park our cars, but I’m still very, very confused.

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The gap between first and second place is staggering. 

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What sheep would look like if they wore those textbook covers we all bought at CVS.

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The most fabulous hens in the land. Someone get these chicks a stage and matching sequins dresses – THEY COULD BE STARS.

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Saddest. Sign. Ever.

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….and the Scariest. Sign. Ever.

I live in a very bizarre corner of the world, you guys. A very bizarre corner.

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And then Sherlock taught me that everything is a lie and I can trust no one.

Okay, so if you haven’t watched all of Sherlock, you definitely shouldn’t read this post. Because a) Spoilers and b) You need to think about your life and your choices. Also c) I’ve waited long enough now that most of you should have seen this.

The point is that I finally finished the latest season of Sherlock and flipped the hell out.

A conversation I had with my best friend, who has decided to use the pseudonym “John Hamm” on this blog for her own reasons, after I watched the final episode of Sherlock:

Me: GAH!!!

Me: No. Fucking. Way.

JH: Yup.

Me: No.

JH: Yes.

Me: No.

JH: You’re in denial.

Me: I WATCHED HIM SHOOT HIMSELF.

JH: We all did.

Me: Don’t sass me.

JH: I’m not… We’re all feeling the same feels.

Me: Does anyone actually ever die in this show?!?!

JH: I have absolutely no idea.

Me: Gaahhhhhhhh

Me: I can’t even handle this.

Me: *flips laptop*

JH: Yeah, the next season is gonna be a blast.

Me: They don’t even start filming until next year.

Me: Everything is a lie.

JH: Sherlock broke our trust.

Me: Do you realize that if you die, I’m never going to trust that it’s true?? I’ll just be all “NOPE.”

JH: Why am I dying in this scenario? :<

Me: YOU’RE NOT, OBVIOUSLY. GOSH.

http://www.tumblr.com/search/Moriarty+gifs/recent

No. No I did not. Okay, maybe a little bit. You’re a pretty fantastic character, but NO.

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Creepy Things My Teenage Co-Worker Said to Me

Working full-time in a bookshop provides me with almost endless entertainment. Bookish people are kind of the best people on earth, but they’re also the weirdest. Okay, maybe not the weirdest, but they’ve at least got a category on the Wheel of Weird, which I so wish was an actual thing. This might need to be a summer project.

One of my co-workers is fresh out of high school this summer and working with him is always…memorable. Don’t get me wrong, there are definite upsides to having a teenage employee. He does all the lame tasks that none of us want to do, like breaking down boxes or helping customers, and while most teenage employees have a tendency to play games at work or sleep or text, my teenage co-worker has discovered a new way to pass the time at his job: Mess with Emelie’s mind. This is great because I’m not already a little off my rocker, so I needed a good push in that direction.

Me: Hey, dude, there’s a bunch of boxes to break down out back, could you take care of that when you get a chance?

TC: Sure.

Me: Thanks.

TC: …

Me: …everything okay?

TC: …If I came back with blood on my hands and shirt would that disturb you?

Me: …what.

Ten minutes later

TC: That box screamed as I cut its throat. How does that make you feel?

Me: Dude. There are children in this store right now! What is wrong with you?

TC: So… disturbed, then?

 

This week from my teenage co-worker-

After minutes of working in silence…

TC: Hey… 

Me: (typing away at the computer and not looking up) What do you need?

TC: Would it freak you out if you showed up at work tomorrow only to find out that I never existed?

Me: (stopping everything and making very direct eye contact) Why would you ever say that to someone? That is terrifying.

TC: (walking away and shrugging) Can you trust your own mind?

Me: We both know that I can’t! I will get you back for this…

 

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