It’s the simple things, you guys. The really, really simple things.

Me: Hehehehehe

Co-worker: ….what was that noise?

Me: Hehehehehehe…

Co-worker: Emelie, are you laughing?

Me: Hehehe… yes. Hehehe..

Co-worker: What are you laughing at?

Me: Hehe. Just come look.

Co-worker walks over where I show him this book:

Co-worker: …Seriously?

Me: Look at it!

Co-worker: I am. Why do the weirdest things make you laugh?

Me: What are you talking about? That’s hilarious!!

Co-worker: Emelie, it’s a duck and a goose at the beach.

Me: Yeah, but look at the duck’s face! And the goose is all “Shwoop!”

Co-worker: …please stop drinking so much coffee.

***

In other news, there’s some new book reviews up from the book review vlog. Check out the latest here!

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Graphic User Interfaces for Life.

I’ve been thinking about the importance of friendships a lot lately. I think that companionship is an extremely important thing to be good at in life, and maybe that’s because I’m terrible at being alone. When people ask me what my worst fear is or what I think Hell is, I always respond with “being alone for the rest of my life.”

That used to be in regards to romance. Some days, it still is, but it’s expanded way beyond that recently.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had this terrible habit of making my entire life about The Boy. Whatever boy I was in love with at that point in my life, he was all that mattered. I used to think that was something really wonderful about me. I was kind of an idiot. I still can be, but that’s not the point.

The thing is, though, that at the end of the day, the most important person in my life thus far has been my best friend, “John Hamm.” I met her under really odd circumstances in my basement when I was 14 and we’ve been through and survived everything life has thrown at us up to this point together. There have been amazing years where we have talked every single day. There was a good year and a half when we didn’t talk at all. I still referred to her as my best friend throughout that whole time, and I wish I could say that it was because I knew we would be okay, but I think it was more that I refused to accept that we might not be. (That’s an entirely different self-reflection point.) Luckily, we made it through that, too.

 

bestbians2

Yup. That happened.

Our friendship survived – even thrived – throughout college, and when we both lived in Europe. It survived us living together (just barely) and now, it’s surviving as we’re both settling into our lives in different states. Granted, we’re only a few hours away from one another, but she lives a busy city life full of law school, and I live a quiet country life full of bookshops and small town crowds. Our scenes aren’t exactly the same anymore.

By many standards, John Hamm and I should have faded away a long time ago. We should have graduated college, found boyfriends or husbands, moved to new places, started new lives, and referred to each other as “My best friend when I was in college.” I mean, that’s how these things usually go, right?

But we haven’t.

See, the thing is that while I was always making my life about The Boy, and when John Hamm was feeling hurt about the fact that I couldn’t seem to understand that, she never abandoned me. She put up with my bullshit and even pointed it out to me, because she knows she’s the one person who can say that to me, and I’ll listen.

Boys have come and gone. Boys will keep coming and going. One day, maybe, a boy might even stick around, and that will be a wonderful day. I still want that, because I’m human and a Jane Austen fan who loves romantic comedies. I’m never going to stop wanting that.

To be honest, though, I’m at a point where now my biggest fear is being without my best friend. Not having a best friend at all.

And John Hamm and I will continue to go through our own hills and valleys with one another. Some months, we’ll talk every day and it will be great, but let’s face it: We’re at the beginning of our adult lives and things will only keep getting more and more insane and busy and full of other people, and maybe one day one of us will get married and have children (human or non-) and things will become even more packed with chaos. Our lives will be all about schedules and deadlines and sticky little fingers covered in mystery substances.

I hope to still call her my best friend throughout all of that. After all, we all need someone to turn to when the boys are driving us nuts and even when they’re making us feel wonderful. We need that person to tell us “Hey, look at your priorities. Hit the brakes for a second and just check your route before you make a really wrong turn down a one-way street.” I’m actually lucky enough to say that I’ve got a few of those in my life, which might mean that I’m a little more screwed up than I should be.

I guess what all of this rambling is supposed to say is that friends are important and I hope you all have a “John Hamm.” I hope you all have that person in your life to talk to and go through it all with. Romance is really important, and it is a wonderful thing to be cherished and sought after. Best friends, though, are a whole different type of relationship and they take just as much care and passion as romance does.

That’s why John Hamm and I make a point to meet for lunch one Sunday a month halfway between our respective cities and spend a whole day together with one another. This past time around, we got to talking about this very subject, and when I got home, I texted her to tell her how much I appreciate her:

Me: <insert long heartfelt speech here about how much I love her>

JH: Haha, thank you. :) I know we’re good. I love you too.

Me: Call me whenever, okay?

JH: Ok. Same goes for you.

Me: Thanks. We’re forever.

JH: I know. We’re GUIs.

JH: Good…

JH: Autocorrect win…

Me: I was about to ask what that meant.

JH: No. I mean it, Emelie. We are graphic user interfaces.

Me: Until the end of time. :)

JH: :)

And I really mean that, Duckies. I really, really mean that.

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My Morning Routine is Starting to Get a Little Weird.

So. Apparently this is a terrifying object:20140306-103312.jpg

 

Why would I think that? Because this is literally the face I see every morning when the fridge starts to hum:

20140306-103317.jpg

 

It starts off innocently enough. I wake up, zombie walk my way over towards the coffee maker, get that all figured out, and then while that’s brewing, I feed Gio.

Gio starts eating his food and is all “NOM, NOM, NOM, BREAKFAST IS GREAT, NOM, NOM, NO-”

And then the slight “Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm…….” of the fridge, which is about 2 feet away from Gio’s food bowl, starts up.

PANIC ENSUES.

Gio: Stare.

Fridge: Mmmmmm……..

Gio: Make eyes bigger. Stare harder.

Fridge: I’m just a fridge. Doing fridge stuff…

Gio: MOM!!!

And that’s when he runs out of the room and hides around the corner.

That’s when I walk over to the fridge and hug it, while looking at Gio and saying “Gio, it’s okay! Fridge nice! Fridge friend! Look how yay the fridge is! Yay, fridge!”

And then Gio is like “Oh thank God the fridge is not attacking Mom. If Mom trusts fridge, I trust fridge.”

And then we both eat our breakfast in peace.

Until the next morning when Gio apparently forgets all trust he had for the fridge.

Surprisingly enough, Gio is totally cool with the coffee grinder.

***

In other news, there’s a new book review up! Check it out and share it all that good stuff! Thanks!

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Dear Life, I Will Stay Positive, So Just Stop Trying to Piss Me Off. You’re Wasting Your Time.

So, the other day, I posted this on Facebook:

Screen Shot 2014-02-27 at 4.21.43 PM

Day 1: I’m driving home and it’s been a warm day, so I’m not thinking about ice. I go around a bend in the road and  suddenly my car is like “Yay!!! Let’s go in circles!! Weeeeeee!!!!!!” and then the snow bank on the side of the road was like “STOP!”

I get myself straightened out and think “Okay, let’s just get home, because we’re right down the road. We’ll check the car there.”

I do just that and I’m amazed, but barely a scratch on the girl, so I sighed a sigh of relief and went inside to go to bed.

Apparently I should have been thinking about ice.

Day 2: My Jeep, Ramona, is all gruffy when I start her up. I’m all “Ramona, were you smoking last night?” and she’s all “I’M SIIIIICK”

So, I call the mechanic as soon as I get home and make an appointment for my day off that week to bring the Jeep in to fix what I assume was my muffler.

I was wrong.

Day 3: I’m on my way to work and I start going up a hill. Ramona is wheezing like an asthmatic chain smoker and I’m reciting “The Little Engine That Could” to her in hopes that she’ll pull through. That’s when I slowed down and heard a “rrrrrrr-d-d–d-d—-d–d–dderr…..”

And then nothing. The car locked up. I couldn’t even put it into neutral… so that’s awesome.

The lucky thing (yes, there are lucky things in this situation) is that I broke down right outside of the church that I attend, so… I abandoned my vehicle in the middle of the road and ran inside to use the phone because I live in an area with no cell phone service (yaaaay…). First I called work and then I called the auto shop and then I ran back outside to hang out with my car again. As I was sitting on the hood and waiting for the tow truck, a cop shows up.

My mind: Oh please… let’s just add a ticket to this…

Cop: Is this your car?

Me: Yeah…

Cop: Did you break down?

Me: No, I just thought the view was pretty here… Yeah, it just puttered out and stopped. It’s totally locked up.

Cop: That sucks.

Me: Yeah…

So he hung out with me and made small talk until the tow truck showed up, which was nice, given the circumstances, and it kept me from having the stress induced break-down that I knew was on its way.

So the tow truck guy was nice and gave me a ride to work (because this girl shows up in style) and he was all “We’ll call you at the store when we know what’s up.” and I was like “That is the kiss of death….”

So, all morning passes, and I hear nothing.

I go to lunch.

I come back and still nothing.

I call them.

Mechanic: Hello?

Me: Hi, it’s Emelie at the book shop. You came and rescued me this morning in my Jeep Wrangler.

Mechanic: Yeah, the red one?

Me: Yeah.

Mechanic: Yeah… it doesn’t sound good.

Me: I know, but you say that as if it’s making sound, so that’s good, right?

Mechanic: …It needs a new engine.

Me: …I’m sorry, what?

Mechanic: You heard right.

Me: Yaaaay…..

So then I got home that night and as I’m pulling in the driveway in my borrowed car I realize that my house keys are attached to my car keys, which are at the auto shop…. And that’s how I found out that I can pick locks with bobby pins.

So, all in all, it was a pretty okay day. Right?

Okay, maybe not. It might sound like my life is crappy right now, BUT there are pros… and cons:

  • Pro: The mechanic said that it was clearly not a maintenance issue and that it was just a crappy situation. So, I was doing everything right.
  • Con: I WAS DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT.

 

  • Pro: No one was hurt.
  • Con: Except for Ramona (my car, for those of you who weren’t paying attention). She’s pretty hurt.

 

  • Pro: My pastor is awesome and happens to have a car to spare right now, so I’m not without transportation.
  • Con: Now I’m a nervous wreck while driving someone else’s car.

 

  • Pro: I’m an optimist, so I always try and see the good side of things.
  • Con: Because I’m an optimist, life finds a way of trying to challenge me in that area.
  • Pro: I’m totally winning, so suck it, Life.

 

optimism

 

 

In other news, there’s a new book review for Page Break, check it out here.

 

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Awkwardly Awesome People to Be Aware of #2: Kelsey

So remember back in December when I was all “check out these guys who are saving the world by climbing mountains!” Well, now I’ve got another person to introduce you to: Meet Kelsey:

kelsey

Kelsey and I met while we were both studying abroad for a year in England.  I was on my way home from the pub at like… 2 in the afternoon and she had just gotten to our flat where we would be roommates. Due to the fact that I was a little buzzed and trying to cover that up, she thought I was a stoner. I thought she was a ditzy party girl.

What I’m trying to say is that first impressions are often wrong. I’m not a stoner (I just like day drinking) and Kelsey, it turns out, it’s the most badass person I know.

Why?

Well, folks, not only is she not ditzy  (in fact, she’s super smart), but she’s also decided to just like… save the world or whatever. We got back from the UK, graduated college, and while the rest of us were looking for jobs or getting engaged, Kelsey was all “I’m gonna go to Madagascar for a few years with the Peace Corps. and live in a hut while I teach little kids and mothers about water sanitation and what not! You guys have fun with your stuff!”

Right??? She’s awesome. She’s not even Awkwardly Awesome. She’s just plain awesome.

In fact, she’s so amazing that she’s taken on this crazy huge project of getting decent latrines built in her village so that the residents have somewhere sanitary to go to the bathroom. Currently, the people in her village are without latrines because the river that they bathe and drink from has washed away the ones they had before. So.. Kelsey is building stronger ones. Because she’s awesome. (How many times have I said that?)

Here’s the even cooler thing, though! YOU get to be amazing, too! Kelsey, as you can imagine, can’t really do all of this completely on her own. She needs help, and that’s where those of us who are super lazy and sit on our couches all day get to take some action. I know that the Doctor Who coffee mug you’re looking at on thinkgeek.com is SO COOL, but if it’s between getting that this week or helping someone not poop in the river that they bathe and drink from, I’m begging you to go with the latter. I mean, I want the mug, too, but it’ll be there next week.

If I’ve convinced you or if you want to read more about this from Kelsey herself, click here.

Have a wonderful day, Duckies!

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Blame It On the Cha-a-a-a-a-amomile

A conversation between my sister and I:

Me: I’ve been having a really hard time falling asleep lately, so I started drinking chamomile tea.

Sister: That’s a good idea.

Me: Yeah, and it’s helping, BUT it’s giving me really weird dreams.

Sister: Really?

Me: Yeah. Like… I had this dream the other night where I was in some sort of a desert camp thingy and I had to complete all these challenges and obstacles in order to be let out. All of a sudden a pack of red-eyed jackally things started chasing me, I remember that very clearly… and then I remember that our brother-in-law was supposed to be the guy that would pick me up when I got to the finish and get me out of there, and we were communicating through an earpiece like spies!

Sister: …uh-huh…

Me: And so I was all “HELP! JACKALS ARE CHASING ME!” and he was all “YOU CAN DO THIS!”

Sister: ….

Me: And then I got to this one room and there was a huge river running through it and that’s where I saw the other contestants and there were people on the other side and they were all “You have to make the bridge appear!” and I was all “I DON’T KNOW HOW!” But then I started figuring out that you had to whistle to the bridge at the right frequency and it would appear. Very Zelda.

Sister: What?

Me: And that’s all I remember. The point is that chamomile is really fracking with my brain.

Sister: To be fair, you’re a pretty weird person anyway… it’s possible the the chamomile is just helping you sleep soundly… and that’s why you’re remembering all the weird dreams suddenly.

Me:

….

……

………..

You make a fair point.

***

In other news, I’ve mentioned before that when I’m not writing about my weirdness, I sell books in an independent bookshop. Books are kinda my thing. So, my other bookselling buddy and I have decided to invade the Internet with our bookishness by starting a book review vlog titled “Page Break” and it’s going to be super awesome. Here is our introduction video:

So for all you book-loving nerds out there, find us on Facebook, Twitter, and Riffle Books! Our first review will be up on Thursday, February 20th!

Thanks for your support, Duckies!

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To All You Bitter Singles Out There

Yesterday I posted a really quick post dealing with relationships and how my best friend “John Hamm” basically broke down every relationship any of us has ever had.  You should go check that out if you didn’t see it yesterday.

I kind of hinted at some bitterness on my end, but not bitterness about being single. I was kind of bitter towards those who are bitter about being single.

At least it seemed that way.

Allow me to explain:

I live in a teeny, tiny town in Connecticut. It’s kind of in the middle of nowhere and the age demographic around here is… well… not in my bracket. I’ve made one really good friend (“Gwendolyn“) and her roommates are pretty nice, but my romantic life right now?

Nonexistent.

There just don’t seem to be guys my age around here – at least none that are single.

At least that’s what I’m seeing right now. (Why is it that you only ever see couples when you’re single?!?!)

The thing is that in spite of these terrible odds stacked against me, I’m still pretty optimistic about the fact that I will meet someone. Sure, right now most of my nights are spent alone at home with a glass of wine or a cup of tea, marathoning Doctor Who or Battlestar Galactica on Netflix, skyping, or reading. Occasionally I go out with my friend(s) and we grab a drink together. And some days I do things like try out snowshoeing.

And you know what? I’m actually happy with that right now (most nights – there are exceptions in which I become a sad mess, but those are short-lived), because I so wholeheartedly believe in love that I’m not that worried about finding it. It’ll happen. It only takes one guy. You just need that one person to make you feel special and they are out there.

So this goes out to all of you singles today: Being alone can be tough. I know. I’m doing it right now, right along with you. And yes: some nights, I cry. Hard.  But after that’s over with, I remember that I have absolutely no idea who that person is, and we might meet tomorrow, or next month, or maybe not until I’m in my thirties, but at least by that point I will have a pretty good idea of who the hell I am.

You will find someone. And that someone will have you laughing about your bitterly single self and it’ll all be grand. Try settling into the comfort of that today and remember: Love. Always. Wins.

Until then, enjoy this humorous video on the subject (because, all my single ladies/dudes, let’s be real: This is us.)

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Relationships with John Hamm

It’s almost Valentine’s Day, folks. Yes, the time of year where we eat chalk-flavored candies with grammatically incorrect messages of love on them. The only time of year that a stuffed animal is a totally normal thing for an adult to give to another adult.

Of course, it’s also the time of year for all us singles to be angry and bitter at the world. Because that’s apparently what we do now. (Singles Awareness Day? Really?  We’re not a suffering group of starving or oppressed children. Get ahold of yourselves.)

Anyway, love is in the air and everyone is talking about relationships (or Sochi). So in honor of that, I’m giving you this image that my best friend “John Hamm” scrawled out and sent to me one evening last week while she was out at the bar. Because nobody drunkenly venn diagrams like that woman:

20140204-070000.jpg

 

You’re welcome.

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The Infallible Logic of Snow Day Magic

Today is proof that even after college, sleeping in your pajamas inside out works every time. Why?

BECAUSE I GOT A SNOW DAY, BITCHES!

snowdayNow, there are some negative sides to this. For example, I live alone on 100 acres of land, which, while awesome, also means that there is no one around to come and play with me. No one to sled with, or build snowmen battle scenes with, or forts or any of that. Also, I don’t own snow shoes, so taking Gio for walks is…difficult.

BUT this also means that I get to stay in my inside out pajamas for the whole day and read books and all that without any interruption and that’s pretty damn cool.

I’m not normally a superstitious person, but let’s be real here, duckies, this inside out pajama thing is FOOLPROOF. “Gumby” and I were talking about it last night.

Me: We’re supposed to get a bunch of snow tonight.

Gumby: Yeah, we were, too, but now it’s not looking like it’s going to be that bad.

Me: Whatever, I’m totally wearing my PJ’s inside out tonight.

Gumby: Oh, totally. No question. I also heard you should flush an ice cube down the toilet.

Me: What? That’s ridiculous. That’s like saying “Hey, cold stuff, screw you!” and I don’t want to say that. I want to say “Hey, cold stuff, hang out for a bit!” Hence, the inside out pajamas. Duh.

Gumby: I think it’s supposed to be like you’re adding cold stuff to the world or something.

Me: That’s stupid.

Gumby: Yeah. The pajama thing is legit, though. Oh! I’ve also heard you should stick a white crayon in the freezer.

Me: Where do people even come up with this crap? INSIDE OUT PAJAMAS IS THE ONLY WAY.

Gumby: Amateurs.

 

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You know people really get you when…

My friend, “Gwendolyn,” just posted this image on my Facebook wall with no message:

Let’s be real here. She could have just shared this on her own Facebook wall and then I would have seen it and laughed and been all “like!” and it could have just ended there.

But no.

She saw that image and thought “EMELIE.”

Does she know something about my future that I don’t?

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